Been so long since i've blogged! Did blood drawing ytd. It kinda sucks. Was so psyched up for it, cos i tot it'd be quite easy after looking at how the doc drew from me. Sigh. But i didnt succeed, and did even worse. -.- I shouldnt been so eager to keep trying.

I'm not sad, i'm not unhappy. Im just not happy. I'm figuring i must have made a wrong choice somewhere.

Suck it in, and push on. Content, and happiness!

I dont like being pressurised. I feel cheated. Isnt it supposed to be a joyous event. Yet i dont feel it. I dont even think i should be. Its a different matter totally.

To start, it seemed that this is the ideal, cause nothing will arise out of it. If that is really the case, then i wont mind. If everything remains as it is. But no, and i cant stop it. Then why in the world is this decision made?

Is it fair to just think of yourself and not for others? It's right that all human being are selfish, i'll admit that. But to the extent that it affects others? I dont think so. Not for me.

It's ridiculously reminding me of stories heard.

Ridiculous, stupid, redundant. I want my happiness back. Not to trouble myself over something no one cares.

Had CSH today. For just a minute, rach and i got friends and politics respectively. I didnt think, for a minute, i felt.

Hello people! Decided to blog in midst of my Idol Army. Hehehe, been so long since i've blogged. Actually it's not that long, just that i've packed my days, so i dont rmb what the hell did i do! But now i do!

Went for my first cosplay on Sat!! :D Quite cool! Was Jane's servant for the day:( Hahaha! But not for me though, cos i'd die under the sun and rain, wearing the wig, costume and make up. Goodness. Hehehe. Then i think went for night movieeeeeeeee. What did i watched? Damn. LIMITLESS. Right. I liked the ending! When it's proved possible that he is pretty smart to change and relieve himself of the drugggg.

Then, went JB whole day with family on sunday! MAJOR JAM. :( When we went and returned. Went to eat seafood @ ahwang's. Hehe luv the lobster thereeeee. Mummy ordered a fish for 100bucks. WTH. She said just to try. Yeah, but a bruddy flat fish for 100 is like so wasted!!! Anw, after dunch went over to Jusco, bought movie tix to World Invasion: LA. Luv that movie too! Okay lah, in short i luv any movies. I never once watched a full movie on laptop. I mean those that are yet to be out or showing in cines! I like it when you watch with a good sound system, in darkness, air con, and just like it. It's different. It's pretty draggy at the beginning, but it proves a point. Teamwork. Suddenly it became clear to me, that even though during combat, you'll find the need to commuicate. I used to find it stupid that people, will talk to each other, maybe whisper, when they're in combat. Actually, when i played cs last time. It's like, Cover me, or Follow me. And the need to actually cover the person. For survival. But i still like stealth and silence.

In the movie, even if they're walking down the quiet road, they still whispered. LIKE WHAT IF THE ENEMY IS RIGHT AT THE NEXT CORNER!! Then you alert the enemy alr what! But nevermind. Oh yeah! And i like to shoot. If i see enemies, i sure shoot until it's cleared. But there, they don't. Cos they'd be overpowered. So they cant let them know they're there, and they will have to camp. :(

Shopped around, and went to Harris! Read boooooks. <3 3 of us sat on the floor and read while daddy went for foot massage. Didnt go cos it's full. Then went to arcade!! Bruddy fuuuun. Played daytona first. Was first actually, then last minute bro caught up again. ._. But the steering wheel sucked. Handling suck too. Then went for bball. In arcade my aiming not bad, but in real life... ._. Mummy and daddy lost to us! hahahah! mummy's like EH they 200 alr we still at 70! Hurry up leh! after that, daddy played biking himself. Nearly damn well spoilt the machine. THENNNN played air hockey!! HAHAHA. PLayed with bro first, i kept swinging the chip out of the table. Violent much. Then mummy vs daddy. LOL. daddy was owning til mummy's pissed, then he just opt for defense. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, IN THE END MUMMY WON. AND YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS SHE'S DAMN SMUG ABOUT IT. Then time crisised, before playing the hit-hit game. LOL. Had Baskin robs before movie!

Then rushed home cos it's late. AND! tadah! Daddy got lost. LOL. cos he decided to follow a sg car out as it's dark and he cant see the road. -.- But anw, we got back sg safely!

Did Gems on monday. GOODNESS. I'm gems-cursed. Seriously, but i got in my gems! astro-navi! I only regretted not taking appreciating cross cultural differences, if not i'd have gotten in to all my ideal gems! And it all will come in handy when i travel alone!! Now the last one will be backpacking!! :) Then went sch for spring cleaning. Hehe, they were more or less done. :X had lunch, then went back. Out for dinner @IMM's. Bought earpiece from challenger, cos bro spoilt two of mine. LOL. Hmpf, wanted to get the locket earpiece, but bro kept saying the other one cheaper. And it was, audio technica, 1 year warranty somemore!! Cos on offer, one for 33 and two for 43?! In the end he said he'd get mw the locket one for my bday, but i want bigbang's tix instead. :P

damn, it's 12 already, have to go finish my show first!

I appreciated that, it's good to realise that you have to be nice to yourself. :)

I'm touched, really i am. It's not everyday i'm offered. You knew it would be hard, yet you did it.

Sometimes, i wonder. What did i actually do, to deserve all these.
Being really honest, somehow i just feel, that it's all not right. It's just not there. I'll go with my instinct as i've always done. But would i regret it this time?
I hope i dont. It's too much of a risk.

Stayed at home instead of meeting up with clique @jane's house, cause mommy's quite pissed at me for going out so frequently. In fact, according to her, it's everyday. But honestly, if not now, then when? Read for the whole day, gives me a headache though. But enjoyed myself thoroughly. It's almost as good as spending the day out. I can never understand, why some people turn away from books. Well, they give me a whole new world for my own imagination. Oh, what will i do, to be able to create something that magical. Knowing me, i won't. I'm too afraid of the setbacks. Sigh.

Oh, but i've almost forgotten how good the circle trilogy is. How love ties in seamlessly with the plot. Love irish, gaelic, and anything that has gotta do with Eire. i've almost forgotten that i wanted to name my son, Cian, cause despite everything that happened to him, he's got enough of love in him to overlook it, and help those who were supposedly against him.


Drifting drifting along. Are we all drifting along with life? Another holiday's gonna passed by really soon. I promised myself i'd work hard this sem. Nearly fainted when i saw the modules. But i know i'd hate myself before the sem ends again.
Either way, i lose.

Somehow, some way or another, i dont feel contented. I think i'm bloody fickle. Some days, all i want to do is just to set up a cosy nice lil tea shop, filled with books and aroma. I dont have to give a damn about anything. There'll be peace, contentment, and maybe love. No hurt, no disappointment, nothing. But then on other days, i feel so restricted when i have to do the same routine again and again, repeatedly. I have the need to go out, and have a fall, to travel and experience. TO love and be hurt, to experience joy beyond words, and to cry beyond comfort. So what the hell do i want?

And i'll have to bear in mind, it won't be only me, other factors counts. Is this why life's supposed to be complicated?

Heard mommy and gran talked about studies, yes again. Bro's thinking of going aussie with me, if i am going there. But mommy's apprehensive bout it, cos she's not so sure if bro's serious about the learning, or just going for the ride. As we all know my brother, he ain't one to stick, for long, at least to studying and books related stuff. It's gonna be a heavy burden, if both of us's there. I hate it when gran thinks that i'm not doing well now, esp in poly. I hate it when she brings up my cousins, who's in Jc, uni, and studying medicine or whatever. Does it all really matter?


And i absolutely hated it, when she uses the tone, that i'm not using my brain, and not thinking. Not thinking of everyone, and that i should. I know, and i did. And trying to tell me what to do. Sorry, there's alot you could tell me, but never what to do.

it's annoying, and maybe just hurt alil, cos she'll never bring it up with bro. In her world, he's entitled to everything. I dont blame her for that, and never will. But dont ever try to tell me what to do.

So i said, with lil more than spit, to her this morning. No matter how lousy i'm doing now, i'll still be much better than bro.

When she fell silent, i felt really bad. Then i gotta accept sometimes's life's really unfair.

When i aimed and shoot, dont expect me to miss, cause i never. It applies for both, be it words or life. i rarely say any hurting, but if i do, it'd be right to the heart. And then i'll hate myself, which i had enough of it in the past. It's a bloody good thing i forget things fast, and is generally cheerful. Which also reminds me of another issue. How could you ever missed, if you've got an aim?

i dont. And i've seen examples of failures much, close. Determination is one thing, if you dont use it to spur you, and not working for it. Saying failure aint an option, without working hard, is not gonna promise you success. Then you fail, that's when your whole world topples, you lose control, and lose what you've been striving for all along.

I havent got an inkling what i'm going to do after O's. All i know is, for that period of my life, i aim, i shoot and i score. ASS, that's what i've drilled into myself. And i got it, a score less than 10. I havent set one for poly life, cos i've been too overwhelmed.

Bottom line is i don't like being restricted, nor being told what to do. Let me figure out on my own. I've been doing that for so long already.

Okay, it's a hell of a week once again. Okay, i've been on this post since like what, 10 or 11? But i got distracted by my book and tmr's outing. So yeah. But i need to get it out of my system. God, i know it's bene long since i've blog once i cant sleep at night with all the ramblings coming out then. But then now i can't remember what i needed to blog about.

Right, i think i'll start by remembering what i did. I love it when i re-read what i did, brings back memories.

Hm, celebrated baby's bday on april's fool! Met up with her after her work. Hehe, had cc and haagennnnnnnnnnn. Man, it's so cheap that day, cos i have 10 bucks voucher for haagen, and 1-1 treat at cc! Then shopped awhile before meeting up with dear. :( I've been getting alot of complaints that i looked damn tired. Hmpf. Then went over to dg to hunt for timbre. Bloody hell, have to climb the long stretch of stairs. Waited for jane, so we went to play the fish thingy. Seriously, i have to go plaza sg before i can catch anything. ._.

Then went up to timbre, ordered drinks while waiting. Baby and dear prefer the Kid's flavour so they say. Apple martini and Passion mock. Did the dedication thingy and ordered when Jane arriveddddd. (Y) pizza. love the food there, more than the drinks. :x Baby said a guy wearing blue's quite cute, so as a prank we send in the dedication saying, the blue shirt guy with two other girls **** or something like that, looks cute! -the girl with hearts print shirt.

IT WAS EPIC. But saved by the end of dedication time. We also wanted to prank Jane's guy, but she refused. :(

Spammed photos at old sch before we decided to go home. Didnt joined them at M's cause mama just came back!

Then next day went for lunch with bro and mau @imm's fish&co. Then shopped for his hat before heading home to freshen out TO GO SOMEWHERE. HEHE. I'm seriously thinking if i should blog about it, but considering the fact that practically no one reads it, i guess it doesn't matter? Okay, i shall roughly say. Took bus to sixth avenue with his mates and mauching just to seee someone~ :D Was alil bored there cos i just wanted to see how she looks like. Oh, did i mention we saw her on bus thanks to me forgetting to take wallet, then bro's friend seeing we're late went to draw money, so we were very late and just nice! poof! we met her. Anw, stayed til pretty late playing monopoly. I HAD PARKLANE YET I DIDNT WIN. KEEEP STEPPING ON HOUSES. WHAT THE HELL LAH YOU TELL ME. In the end, bro didnt get it, so we went back! Heheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Okay, i shld stop being so gleeful about it. Big thanks to someone who came all the way down cos i was feeling really awkward with his mates.

And then it was chaletttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. and boy, it was helluva chalet. Woke up late, and cos been so long since i ate with mama, so we went jp for breakfast as she wanted to eat @old town's. Was running late, carried like watermelon, papaya, vodka, coke and ALL MY STUFF DOWN to meet flo who came up to yewtee cos i'm like carrying so much nonsense. But it's damn worth it. Chloe fetched us @inter, damn cool please. first time!!! Anw, yeah reached. and packed alil, before we start the food sprreeeee! Lost count of what we did, hm, let's see, Eat, photos, eat, watch tv, deal, watch x-men, eat, watch some half A show, WHICH IS MY FIRST TIME. SHY MAX. LOL. BUT it's good, cos there's meaning. and eat, and spammed alcohol. RIGHT.

We went alil over with the wine part, was playing cards with chloe, before we went to shower and then enjoy our vodka. Drank pure shots cause we lost the game. I dont like it cos it's gonna affect my throat/voice. Then added mixer for other games.

I STILL LAUGHED WHENEVER I THINK OF THIS. CY WENT SO BLOODY RED, then rach started crying for god knows what reason, and flo started laughing hysterically at rach cos she's crying for no reason, while saying i'm not drunk, but i cant stop laughing. LOOOOOL. and in the midst of all this crap, me and chloe playing 2person taidi. LOL. Flo vomitted ALOT. made hot towel, before i really cant take it and went to sleep. I desperately needed sleep.

But rach that girl woke i think, and it was sooo noisy, but i couldn't get my eyes open. LOL. Woke like ard 7ish, packed and flurry of actions before napping for awhile cos chloe went back hme to change, and then went for mac's breakfast!!!!

Then slacked at pirates of carribean, cos we decide on movie rather than k, and then BOOM! the class thingy descended. Scrambled for our classes~ Shall not elaborate on that, except that it's really ridiculous why only our class is seperated into two different groups. Quite pissed lah. Went for movie-faster. pretty good. i liked gore, and thriller rather than cartoons. LOL. They never seemed to attract me, since young. Powerpuff girls maybe cos they can sing. If not just cartoons will never never attract me for long.

Then went for popeyes before heading home. I THINK i fell asleep on the train. homed and showered, but instead didnt went to sleep, cos it's been so long since i ate dinner with fam. So i watched tv and forced myself to remain awake. heh. had dinner at wm, didnt talk much cos i was so bloody drained.

Spend the whole day at home ytd~ and today went for fo outingggggggg. overslept again, and pretty fun. i missed the beach. alot. i almost didnt want to leave. no actually i really didnt want to leave. i missed the sand, the sea, and i wished for the rain. it almost feel magical. i miss the feel of sand on my feets and the salty sea breeze. And serves me right for having just soup, and now so im damn hungry while writing this post.


I think i'm getting to know myself better. I kinda like the new me. I dont give a damn, when i feel that it's wrong, i say it out. It's not so much of better straight, diplomatic yeah, but i'll sure as hell get my point across, i hope.

It used to feel like a chore, to try to maintain friendship, and sometimes, when the other party aint helping. So now it's up to me to discern, who's worth it and who's not. And i pretty much get it. The different levels of friendship, and how much would you actually go for a friend.

Passion over emotions? Everything's affected by emotions, to me. I could push myself, if only i'm feeling extremely happy or sad. It's terrible, but true.

I wish to forget, to not talk about it, but it seems impossible. I dont know what do i want. But currently, i wanna continue interacting with people and see what can i learn from that. A couple of setbacks wont hurt.

Maybe it does, just alil. Was i wrong?

Hello people! i'm back from camp! ;D Overall, camp was awesome. Shit happens, but i'm over them! Imma just not judge!

Anw, slept for bruddy longggggg after breaking camp. Woke up at around 11, had lunch, then met up with caihong and bernard at his house to slack! :D GOT MY TORRES JERSEY!! YAYYY!! ULTRA THANKS!!!! ^^ He made dessert too! Then went back to my place to have dinner with ahma. Hehe, caihong kept saying bernard very good at entertaining.

Happy birthday, Baby. xoxo.