Its been a good week so far and 4 days seemed like a week when its packed filled to the brim.

So after wed paper's, had bbq with the lady at 2d1n to find out that it was under renovation and walkrd all the way til the outlet at chinatown.

Then the lady was so afraid that the smell gets into her hair and even used my pencil to tie her hair..

And then we finished the buffet in two hours and wrnt out smelling... like bbq.
Was so embarrassed on the train cause we felt darn smelly.

Went for two interviews in the morning only to have nhg to contact me right after the two of them.. -_- wasted effort.

Met the mum at tanjong again for the chocolate spa massage heaven and then shopped awhile at chinatown before meeting daddy.

So we took the trian back and this mum was like omg why the heck is the train so squeezy. Yo mum, you havent seen worse. So apparently i was complaining like a sissy cos i was super tired and totally crapless mood to squeeze. So got daddy to fetch us at lot1 before going to bp plaza to have claypot.

Rushed for my docs appt and saw qixin working there!!

So friday was spent with the council gang yo. Hahahaha. Went for contract signing in the morning before annoying marc to accompany me for breakfast and calling that yx, who was hungover or smth. -.-

Met with the gang then went to my house for alil while before heading over to cwei and ntuc for the steamboat sesh. APPARENTLY WE BOUGHT TOO MUCH. OMG. DONT THINK WE EVERN FINISHED HALF.

Had super lots laughter and madness during the dinner as usual, ron and rachie were annoying each other. Heh. Celebrated lionel's birthday as well and its cwei's own concert. Heh.

Reached home super late and the mum nearly raged but i diffused the bomb but distracting her.

So today was spent first at smu fot the scholatship talk that was totally inrelevant, then rushed to dr lai's house for the ptn! Lost at mj cause i really had crap tiles. :(

Then wrnt to chloe's house for round two with blackjack, poker and a few others and abtm. HAHAHAHA. It was crazy as usual.

Real friends are forever. you dont miss them, cause they are in your heart. Man im so cheesy but i truly believed in that sentence heh.

But it doesnt help, because even on such days, im still seeing you. I wished that wasnt you, but secretly an even bigger part of me wishes that it was you. How did we come to this, which this wasnt defined and how do we get out of this, when we dont even know how we got in?

Hope youre well x

UnOFFICIALLY unOFFICIALLY GRADUATED!!! Blood banking was okay until the end when mr fraser told me about haem and i was so bloody happy!!!!!

Congratulations~~~~~~
Okay mad sleepy now. Just feeling all warm and fuzzy and happy abd stressless cause exams are all over. I survived. Feel so proud.

K off to bed heh

So the smart lady realised her folly today. -________-

Action me put a different bloody encryption/decryption key for each posts and now i needed something and i cant open it. -________- How can anyone be SO smart.

And I left the examination room earlier today for haemII and apparently i was trying to be all cool and zen about it. I took my bag, slung it across my shoulder and walked out of the room, coolly. Then i realised... I took the wrong bag.

Rolls eyes twice, thrice, countless of times.

Was so torn if i should abandon my pride and go back in to retrieve my correct bag but i'm guessing that the bag's chong so it should be okay.. And if Fraser will let me in. So i swallowed my pride, crept in and put the bag down. THEN I PANICKED CAUSE I CANT FIND MY OWN. -_____________-

That few secs finding my own bag was so... embarrassing.

But anyway, haem was okay, since there is no correct answers for essay which i love th most, and i just unload whatever i rmb and hope for the best out of the best. But apparently the MCQ is chicken easy peasy and i'm so surprised. heh.

Cant wait for Wed after blood banking and I can go high fly sky zooom wooo! Packed week ahead and loving every single moment.

In a rude mood today. Usually i would be nice and polite, but not today. Wonders why the heck skme people bother to do niceties. it's so... fake. I know its harmless and just being polite, but there has got to be a line somewhere, and you dont go overboard.

How could you say things you dont mean?? The most i could do is to nod and smile politely.

Sigh. You can never please every single one out there. But we still try because of hope. I want everyone to be happy.

I want you to be happy. There's nothing wrong with being yourself. If what youre doing aint what's making you happy, you got to think about why.

Life is too short to do otherwise.

Maybe tonight's what i need, a seperation from the world i live in. Its always like that when i needed a time out.
But the difference is so so clear. It has always been this year. Stupid to think otherwise.

A year ago, I was settling down into my new routine. Waking up, mad rush in the chilly morning, greeting jack with his morning paper and coffee w soya milk, making breakfast consisting of toast and soya milk, while getting ready lunch. Having breakfast while chatting with jack or in companionable silence reading the papers. Then leaving for lab and jack helping me to shut the garage doors. Cycling in the freezing breeze waking me up and seeing how fast i could reach the lab. Apparently if the traffic is good I could reach in 8minutes.

At the lab, following up on our project, tissue culture in the morning, if the cells aren't ready, then probably do section ing and staining. The worst is to collect fresh specimen. I grew to love western blot. Being in the dark room seeing my bands formed. I grew to love everything there. Looking out the window, at the people
Wind sailing, at the beautiful beach.

Then after calling it a day, cycling home early, catching the sunset behind the rows of houses down the hill. Chatting with Elaine, helping with dinner, talking about our day. Sometimes ril and jack would join in. Then walking bear as he grew restless. My bear. Walking down the street, talking to bear, enjoying the silent breeze.

Then sy would be back, and we would set the table, and have dinner with chitchats.
Passing around second servings, ranch or some other sauce, the salad or whatever. After dinner, sometimes we would have ice cream. Then loading the dishwasher, if we had steak, the plates will be licked clean by bear. While sy and jack had the usual pingpong match, I would do the rest of the dishes with Elaine.

Then if it was a Monday night, we would camp in front of the tv waiting for alcatraz or tues, the river.

And these are only part of the memories there.

I was right, leaving when you know you're never gonna come back, is so much harder.

I have so many unfinished stuff. I'm never gonna walk the same street again. I'm not gonna sit down at that table for dinner again. I'm neever gonna walk bear again. He knew, I'm leaving. He slept outside my door on the last night.

Thank you.

And as I was walking home tonight, I don't know what do i feel. I feel like I'm walking on such a bloody thin line. Strung up.

Don't ask me questions I don't have answers to. I don't know how to leave. I don't know how to not care. I don't know if i should. When the time comes, would you let me fly?

It wasnt that I don't, I just don't show it.

Bloody affected cause you're important, and because I can't do anything to help.

Lookin back, the exact same spot you stood. I said goodbye. I wont make the same mistake again.

So many things weighing down. Upset upset upset.

Feeling super not well now, mum said i might be running a fever. -_- went to the toilet like its my second home today.

Suddenly so annoyed cause when i finally wanna sit down and mug all sorts of crap pop out and its been stuff ive been trying to settle before i start on my work. Damn damn annoyed. Argh.

So anyway, despite my major mood change, it is chinese new year.

Spent the eve on at the yeye's house and some last minute shopping at town in rags clothes before heading home for dinner by mama! So this mum actually cooked for me since im back to celebrate cny with them and instead cooked all the food i dont eat like pigs stomach, fish, bamboo clams. -_-
So i told her, and she whipped up some prawn that... is spicy. LOL

Then spent the night tryna paint my nails.. then i destroyed them on the first day. Marvellous.

So first day of cny is always the crammest, tryna fit my day so that i would see most of my cousins. So apparently this year's timing was crap as it was raining, so left house late but only managed to catch one of my mum's side uncle, and went to yeye's house for awhile before heading to da gu's house and finally yi's house. So the mandy candy low left yi's while we reached. Damn sad. -_-

Didnt have food the whole day so spammage at yi's house. Fav chix wings with candy crush, and abtm part1. Heh.

Then went home to realised all of my cousins left, only cussie mossie left. Kinda sad cos i was looking forward to see my niece and nephews after a year.

So anyway, cussie mossies stayed for dinner and we played mono deal, cluedo and payday. Mood wasnt that great but it was still fun.

So second day, was only planning to go to yi's house but then mum wants to visit her friend and since we didnt see them for damn long, we tagged along.

It was fun seeing all of them after such a long time and everyone grew up. Lol. Gambling den with major bets that stressed me out. 50/100Bucks is no joke...

Then rushed to yi's house from punggol and arrived damn late. The candy flew back and we started our blackjack sesh after dinnaaaaaa. Forever eating at batok instead of everywhere. Place that makes me so comfortable. Heh.
Realised i eat alot in places im familiar with.

So many funny things happened that night as usual with law's clap clap ni jia to his usu!!!!! And all the whatsnot banned from the house next year.

Oh and this yi chang is damn eggcited about him winning as banker until the daug cant take it and  said, hey. You do know you are winning your own money right?

LOL. THEN YI CHANG WENT. YAH LAH WHERE GOT PEOLLE TAKE MY OWN MONEY PLAY WITH ME ONE. I DONT WANT PLAY WITH YOU LAH.

Hahahahahhaha. That was THE night of cny.
Never fails to make me happy.

So the third day nua at home tryna study but fail utterly.
And i should head to bed cos i would kill myself if im late for cryo test again tmr.

Why do i feel like you expect me to be someone else when all i ever am and could be is myself? Cant you see i have such a strong me personality? Youre not making comparisons. But they are. Dont like people who victimised themselves or others cause life is all about being strong enough during the hardest times. Dont judge if you dont know anything. If you think its hard not for me, then you dont know me. I know im selfish but you dont know me. You dont understand not everyone is an open book. This is encrypted: ***

So so mad happy that the crazy hectic week is over. Dont wanna think so much and i barely managed to divert my attention.

Been feeling such myraids of emotions that i feel so tired, on top of not sleeping enough. Out like the lights when i hit the pillow. Sigh.

I think its probably pms, or something.

Hm. Feelings of the moment: indignant, satisfied, hurt, annoyed, joy, rage, sad, high, happy.

Ya know, i never knew we could experience such a wide range of emotions.

Anyway, i shouldve known. If i cant, then i shouldnt. Its always back to thos.

Wasabi makes me feel faint and uncomrtable. But oh well, a loss is a loss anyway.

Its gonna be cny soon. Suddenly im more hapy for the break then the visits. Feel kinda distanced after being away for a year.

Feeling so stress once the week started with shitloads of tests and reports and the stupid field trips and talks. -____- 24 hours a day is simply NOT enough.

Havent started on bb yet i gotta start on histo report and histo pract test on thurs plus tcmd. No matter how well i know the module, i will flunk it if i dont read through at least once.

Haem and histo were so horrible cause it wasnt that i didnt know. It's horrible cause i knew but wanted to get it over and done with and in my hastiness, put in the wrong answer. This kind of mistake, is the kind that i dont allow -____________- Sigh.

Just went to the docs on sat and did some laser. I need more time seriously. Then doc gave medication that would predispose px to depression apparently, and this mum is so paranoid that she said to not study and it's okay if i fail.

Then just ytd when we were shopping at jp, she's like, eh, why you so zen ah. Zen is a cool word i taught her. LOL. Then i'm like, oh you say one ma, fail nevermind, so fail lor. you gonna raise me for my whole life. hahhahahhah.

Ok la, but i did study abit la. Just so careless if not i'd have scrapped thru both of my tests today. -_- Nth i like best to scrap it through.

Tiny weeny bit of blame on myself for procrastinating what i could do last sem to this sem so i'm pretty much strung up and half mad over deadlines and tests.

Anyway tuition today was good cause apparently my tutee is a genius at fractions now. I feel so proud like a mother hen.

Cant explain how worried and stress i am, even after the two tests today i feel annoyed. Especially with the careless mistakes. FOR BOTH somemore. What's wrong with my brain today? Not paying attention and not alert.

Argh argh argh.

You know how sometimes you feel that life is all good and dandy and almost perfect, though it could never be since nothing is perfect, and suddenly you're afraid that it would all change in a blink of an eye?

Well, that's me.

I guess most of the time im happy, and i wanna keep it that way. But then again, sometimes i feel as if it is all too good to be true and i'll be afraid that it will all be gone.

Learning how to view things positively, formulate reasoning more positively, cause i have always been doing that. Its just more often now.

You cant learn if your cup is half full. View it half empty. And you'll find your thirst for knowledge never satiated. And knowledge.. is the greatest gift of all.

Chinese new year is coming. Mad excited for the reunion dinner~