Time has finally caught up with me. Spend the last 3 days in a hurry. Hm, ended early on friday, yet still have not enough time. Went to amk with mom and pool with dear! Heh, won 3 games outta 4. Then rushed back to bg for gym with them, before heading to reunion dinner.

Went out to celebrate Kz's bday on sat! :) Chatted like the old times with Chin and jun. Then meet family for dinner at Carnivore before watching The Green Hornet. Heh! Damn funny show.

Today, went to yiyi's house to pass the new year stuff, before heading to ikea for meatballs and chicken wings!! Then went tb plaza for movie, Shaolin before meeting yiyi for dinner again!!

Heh, typed this post ytd, but didn't post it cos it seemed very empty. Cos it's weird to actually describe the stuff that's going on when i'm with them. Cos then, i don't think. I just feel.

Okay, it doesn't make sense, but nevermind. Procrastinating, geuman. :(

Happy birthday, daddy :)

Not that he'll see this post, but i guess it'll store some of the stuffs i've always wanted to tell him, but i didn't. Well partly because it's weird to say all of these out loud. Really, alot of unspoken stuff is left unsaid in my family. We just understood each other.

Anyway, thanks for being there for me all my 18 years of life. Yes, i'm 18 already, great job to you. I know you don't think i've grown up, and even though people always say i've grown and matured, you'd still contradict them, and insist, no. I'm still a lil' girl. No worries, i'll be your lil' girl always. Heh.

But ya know, i won't wait til 30 to get married. NOT EVEN IN YOUR DREAMS, GOT THAT?

I know humans aren't all perfect, which is why we gave each other a chance, now and then, to try to correct the mistake. We all make mistakes, but as long as we correct it, forgive and forget, everything'll be fine.

I just didn't like the fact that we can't ever seemed to forget, and little things can remind us of those hurt. I'll try my best, and i know you would too.

And even though you never admitted it, i know you babied me the most, cos i'm the smallest! Heh! You would do every single thing i asked you to, and say sorry when you're in the wrong. It's hard for you to do that, cos you never did to anyone. But i guess it's easier, cause you wouldn't want me to be mad at you. That is also why i am easily upset when you raise your voice. You never did.

I remembered making a card for you for your birthday every year lsat time, without fail. And then you would bring it to work and place in the your car, so you could show it off to all of your colleagues. Hey, my art sucks. :') heh.

When i grew up, i started buying you stuff you need, cos i thought it would be more practical than a card. I was touched when you didn't bear to use the belt i bought at Xiamen for your birthday. But i never knew how much you appreciate those cards until mommy told me.

And even though you weren't the best dad, you are The Dad to me! We couldn't change our family, stick with it. No matter what, they'll be there. :)

Annyeong! :)

heheh! Right, only have 2 hours of lessons tmr, don't know if i should be happy that i end at 10, or feel sad that i have gems from 1-3. Hmpf.

AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT 2 HOURS OF MATH. GOD.

Anw, emceed for cls grad on wed! Okay, actually i don't think it's a success, but at least i tried!!

I think i shall be the wife that cooks and supports my honey from the back anyway.

Hmpf, i'm so easily pissed and fast to judge people nowadays. Should really change, but sometimes some people do stuff irregardless of other people's feeling, and it's kinda annoying.

Right, CNY is coming really soon, and i'm kinda looking forward to it. Right! off to watch SGB! :D

I want to watch so many dramas/ variety shows recently. Damn. But seriously i dont have the time for it. So i'm saving it. Shows like oms, star king, dreamteam, taiwanese drama. :(

Went out with flo today. Hhe, tried stuff and got samples. Bought a top and random stuff like bun maker!

Looking forward to CNY. Anw, might be emcee-ing on Wed. Didn't really want to, but since not enough people, so i agreed. And secondly, Minho's awesome at emcee, as his wife, i should be able to too! :P

I don't like sharing. Darn, they say cancer is possesive, never realised it til now. I don't like to share Minho with eunseo, but she really has no otehr faults then being alil' old. Hmpf. Her, better than some other bitchy girls then.

Ya know, trust is a valuable thing. It is yours til given. And similarly, if you chose not to ever give it, then you'll never get it too.

I can't help it if you chose not to trust me. Since it's yours til given, i couldn't steal it, could i? It's all thr truth and truth alone, so if you don't want to believ, should i lie? To get your trust?

But on second thoughts, i really don't care much. Why should i, when not trusting means not believing. And since you don't believe in me, i shouldn't care that much.

Goshh, it's been a tiring yet fulfilling week! Heh, had nonbudget e cum oc outing on friday. Did math tutorial! Mad proud of myself, though i can't finish one of the questions. Irritating max when i cant do questions. Remembered when during the schooldays, i would spam loads of recycled paper just to finish a question. Right, steamboat was okay, hehe, spammed food. Didn't really want to eat steamboat, cos of my throat. But whatever, i ate it anyway.

Anyway, I have become a monopoly deal addict. YAY! Winner!! :P

Then went for movie this morning. Homecoming. Pretty good, though the storyline was quite predictable. But as usual, it makes you laugh like mad. Had lunch, then washed up before heading to town again.

Went to flea market. Saw Minho's file, but i hated that hair. Like seriously. Why did the hairdresser cut his hair like that. Being handsome doesn't mean any hairstyles will suit him right! It doesn't suit his character!! Didn't wanna settle for second best like posters or postcards, cos it'll just rot and i'll get pissed cos it's that useless. At least, i could use a file.

Anyway, quite cheap though, but i managed to stop myself from buying cos i seriously have lots of stuff.

ANd ya know, wore heels, and the bottom came out, though it's like only the second time i'm wearing it!! Seriously, bkk stuff have to be glued together first!!

Right, went to 313 and shopped. Got some stuffs before having dinner at Hot Tomato! Heh, love their Aglio Olio! Then shopped more before getting Cold Rock. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW DID I EVER SURVIVE WITHOUT COLD ROCK. IT'S BEEN MILLENNIUM SINCE I LAST HAD IT. IT'S THE BEST THOUGH IT'S EXP. -.-

Bought each a cup before heading over to chameleon. Heh! Girl's stop. Then went home. My ankles nearly broke.

Watched some tv just now. Saw this question and pondered over it awhile.
It goes along the lines like if you like A, but he doesn't like you. So you just move on to B, and if he likes you, you just go for it? Is love that simple?

For such stuffs usually i'm quite certain. It's supposed to be forever, no? It's like how could you stop loving someone just in a day, or move your affections to someone else that easily. In that case, love doesn't seem to be everlasting, forever, and unbreakable. It seemed false, dumb and useless. So love is simple, but not in that case. But that drama she's supposed to be with the second guy. -.-

Anyway, out tmr again, so i'm gonna rest my brain and start painting my nails again. Been using my brain way too much, but i could'nt help it. It's just operating by itself. AND I NEED SOME CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS. My traits as a cancer is getting way out of hand.

“SHINee with you

dance with me

just gonna be with you baby

whisper of the crazy party

SHINee with you

come with me

just gonna be with you baby

whisper of the crazy party.

Let me tell you this song is the Lucifer

I’m never gonna give you up

We are the SHINee SHINee SHINee SHINee

Never gonna let you down.

Let me tell you this song is the Lucifer

I’m never gonna give you up

We are the SHINee SHINee SHINee SHINee

Never gonna let you down.”

YAY! I won a Gv movie ticket! Gonna go for a movie soon with dear! Dear should've won the FCUK watch. Sigh, wasted. Right, went gym with baby today. Oh god, ya know, after too much of dip plus which teaches you cardiovascular system and all the related heart disease, you get bloody hell ass paranoid, as if you're gonna die right there and then of a heart attack.

And yeah? That's exactly how i felt while i was running today. Was on the huge ass machine. LOL. The speed is mad crazy, it was 6.5 though it felt like 10. :O

And there i was, increasing to my usual speed, til i realised thing's alil weird. So i stopped, and tried to run, til i feel my chest burning and tightening. And off i went, oh shit, i'm dying in my head, over and over again. LOL. seriously, i dont usually feel anything when i run.

In conclusion, it should be the talks that's making my brain go haywire and paranoidish. Tsk.


Anyway, stretched in the toilet after we run, feels good! Xinni said my knee is ugly!! :( Damn, so i said her thighs are fat! Hmpf. Had subs before going for Bingo night!!

I kept remembering Dear's dream. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's really never gonna happen?

as i was walking back home tonight. It's a super long day again, cause there's dip plus. I'm seriously wondering if i made the right choice by choosing it. Maybe it's the cold feets from drawing blood. Sigh. And it suck, really do suck, when you get home so bloody tired and sleepy, and hungry. Bought waffles back on the way and gobbled it up within seconds. A cat was eyeing me like damn it, and i was thinking if it did followed me i would probably tell it not to. And it seemed so funny cos i thought of Flo doing the Victoria-styled Annyeong to the non-living things. Hey, at least cat is living!!

Right, as i was saying, the sky's really clear tonight, and the moon seemed so bright. Sense of peacefulness. Why must there be unhappiness in this world?
Maybe it's to make happiness seem more precious, so people would cherish it more. But what if some people, never get to be happy?
It's kinda like a cycle, me thinks.
People who have everything never gets enough, so they would be 90% sad, while people who have nothing, once they achieve something they've wished for a long time, it can make them happy. Oh, even if it's not something of significance.

I'm trying to be happy 100% all the time!

Oh, and i feel so irritated with the Second sis in the show. God, feel like strangling, the actress did a great job seriously. And with bro, cos he keep saying Eunseo and Minho. WTH, eunseo looks old and is suitable for older man lah! Don't snatch with me can or not!

Woah, kinda tired today, thanks to a not-very-good night sleep yesterday. Had too much tea i guess. Heh, chinese tea in the morning, passionredtea from sweettalk in the afternoon and peach tea for dinner at texas. :O

I missed passion red tea! Still as nice! Anw, was having dinner while watching the now chnl 8 show, which is prosperity of something. I swear if i ever had such siblings i'd throw them out of the window. Was complaining to my brother like mad, telling him not to do this and that.

Oh, seriously, i feel like strangling her. It was enough that she didn't have to work for her keep, and now she's living off others, she treats them like her servants. Seriously, what is your problem man!

I think i'm getting too agitated. But that's the truth anyway. But i like the show cos i like Tim and Si en! Heh, they look soooo cute. And i think Tim looks like Marc, or marc looks like him. Bro thinks otherwise though, he says marc's eyes bigger, but i think tim more handsome. HEHEHEHEHE.

AND i just realised that i forget to watch hello baby second last episode! yeah!

Thought about alot of stuff yesterday, even when i didnt want to. Lazed in bed for pretty long today, just stoning and dazing until i really had to get up.

What's life without a few obstacles now and then? Feeling alil' more optimistic today. I shouldn't let people affect my mood so easily. But if i'm not, i wouldn't be a cancerian already.

Perhaps it's just the series of events that happened. I need to get them off my chest. So. Hehe.

Anw, went out today. Was mad, but everything's fine now. I've accepted it and let it go.
I'm kinda dreading tmr. Not school. But as usual, i had to continue. I hate breaking the trust people had in me.

It was my fault for even thinking that maybe we match. It's hard to find friends that you can communicate with, really. Sometimes, people don't really see eye-to-eye. Despite so, i still believe. But i won't now. It's not so much of not being friends, just not those friends that can share everything under the sun.
I dont regret joining, cos they taught me alot. The unpleasant memories will not be remembered.

Watched season of the witch today! Mad awesome. Love this kinda movies, more than those comedies actually. Had texas chicken for dinner, biscuit yeah! :)


Have to do my rwp again, life's always the same. Where have all the fun stuffs gone to? Speaking of which, how do you define fun anyway?

Fruitful week i guess. Hehs, Went bugis twice in a week. Went on thurs cos lessons end at 10, which is kinda dumb. Bought dyes and fabric paint to make honey's shirt. Mad happy, finally can wear the shirt to sleepppppppppppp. It's not done yet though. Had a damn hard time choosing cos we're noobs. Hot dye/cold dye. At least i know something about.

Anw, went bugis after gems on friday again. And after ideas. Sigh. I really dont get it. It's good when a lesson is made interesting. But not to the extent that it becomes a burden, or a chore. You could teach in a interesting way, just bear in mind that we do have other modules that have heavier weightage. Dear wanted to get cny bottoms. Heh, chose for her and ate long johns! Was chatting to her about how our lifestyles have changed. We used to eat ljs after school at lot1 so frequently.

I was kinda tired by thursday this week. It seemed to stretch so long. I started wondering about what i am doing. Is it right for me? Sometimes, it's so hard that i didn't want to continue anymore.

And sometimes, it's so hard to communicate with people. I get that problem from time to time. I feel like hiding in a shell, til it all passes. I didnt want to get up this morning. Life's good under my covers.

Mom posed a question to me today. What do you think is the meaning of life? Is there any point in living?

I dont know.

Although i dont feel like thinking now, but it'll come back to me sooner or later. I'm tired of life, of drama.

Dont know why am i feeling like this. Cos life's a joke?

When it's finally over, we met.
When i believed i'm contented with life, everything came crashing down.
When i finally feel comfortable with everything, it had to change.

Contentment.

Was thinking about that when i was showering today. I think i'm weird. Thought-provoking questions always pop out in my brain at the weirdest time ever. Before bed-time, when i'm showering. In any case, it would be the time when i can't blog about it. And i wanted to, so desperately, cos i wanna remember my own thoughts. Yeah, it may seemed stupid, but i can't remember such things.

Thus, smart me invented a way to remember these things. I figured out that since i am able to conjure those reasonings out, i must be able to, a second time. So i just had to remind myself of what those thoughts are all about. And tadah! A quote!

Okay, it sounds ridiculous, but who cares. As long as it works. I'm kinda enjoying such self reflections thoughts. Lets me know myself better.

Anyway, yeah. Realised that i'm actually really afraid of failure. And that is probably why the reason why i dont put in my best in everything i do.

Thinking back, that's pretty true. I didn't put in my best in studies. Becos for me, it's all or nothing. If I started with it, i better end it well. Since i can't stop studying, i chose to half-heartedly study, so i don't feel sad if i tried my best and didn't get the results i want. But then i realised that, even if i didn't give my all, i still expect the results i want, and if i don't, life suck. Simple as that.

Same goes with dance. Cos i knew i wasn't the dancer type. Hell no, hence i never even tried to put in the effort. When at last i did, it wasn't consistent. My performance is still affected by my emotions.

Then i found out that even if i tried my best and didn't get the results i expected, i still feel great. Hehs, at the same time, i found out that my willpower is (Y). So, i'm gonna put in 100% in whatever i do, irregardless of the results. Heck it.

Maybe not. But a good start is half the race finished, i guess.

I've been feeling a great deal lately. But i'm still coping, life's still goes on. Trying not to let stress overcome me, doing mundane stuff like painting my nails and something else to rest my brain, even if it's just for that few minutes. It's no longer a waste of time, but time for me to rest my brain and plainly, not think.

Happy stuffs going on are friends that matters a great deal aren't neglected, and family's awesome. Oh, and i'm eating very well these few days. (Y) Spammed chips and chocolate like mad. Mommy's pretty happy, cos at least i'm eating up stuff that's been left at home for goodness knows how long.

Lastly, i'm learning korean by myself! Started the first chapter today. Learned basics about how the sentence structure is formed in korean. Kinda worried that i'll screw up my own english first, when it already that noob. Sigh.

Annyeong!

That's my Sixth resolution! Realised i missed one resolution. I'll haveta learn to put myself in other people's shoes before saying and doing anything. Sigh.


Anw, it's finally saturday. Been quite a tiring week for me, i guess. Being angry is more tiring then being happy. Talking about this reminds me of him. But guess it's over now.
But it's a quote i've never ever forget.
In my past broken english, i guess i said something like If you're happy, one days passes. If you're sad, one day also passes. So why not be happy?

Now as i typed it, it sounded pretty ridiculous. I wanted to convey the message that, A day passes no matter you're happy or sad. So why not spend it being happy rather than being sad.

Anyway! I'm having legs that's bloody wobbly now. Long day yesterday! Skipped gems to accompany dear for her open house volunteer cos she didn't wanna go alone. Quite okay i guess. Slacked at KFC and chatted while waiting for baby. Then went back swiss with baby to realise dance's over. :( Saw lixing, minhui and huihui tho. Chatted alil', before heading over to baby's house. Changed and all, and off we go to gym. Started off with treadmill. Gosh, i'm really getting old. Forgotten to do warm-up too. Ran for 20minutes. It was quite a good run though, didn't decrease my speed instead i increased it for the last lap to 10.5. Pushed myself with thoughts. Hehs. Did other stuffs before heading home, with noob legs. -.-

Supposedly should have gone for my treatment appt. But mommy forget to book, and when we called, they're fully booked. :( Stuck at home with music core, blog and music.

Watched Marry me, Mary just now. The female lead looks sooo cute and as if she's not wearing make up. Envy her! My nails are now purple!!

Next week's gonna be tiring too! Lessons will be ending early on wed and thurs. Date with M to make honey's shirt! We're both noobs, so i guess we'll be seeing around the dyes first.

Just found out that Hello is song of confession from jonggie to shin se kyung?! I like it very much though! He looks charming in one of the music bank/music core's comeback.
Honey's still the best though! :P

Yeah, maybe 2011 ain't sucha a good year for me :(

Been feeling so moody these days. Wth is wrong with me. I'm only happy when i'm watching honey. Sigh. Oh, Minhoney. Hehs.

Anw, it's probably better, becos of my mood. Did my chem tutorial, for once in my life like seriously, and studied alil' on korean. Yeah, first io chem tutorial i did! Happy.

Well, waited 3 hours for fo meeting. Quite okay i guess. Still not feeling the urgency and the bond yet. But, i'm starting to feel these bonds will fade, no matter what. I dont like it.

There's alot of things in life which i dont like, and it's getting more by the moment. The feeling of loneliness in the midst of a crowd.

Screw my life today. What the freaking hell seriously. Alright, maybe this ain't a good year, with such a start. I'm so easily pissed nowadays.

Seriously, what's the problem with you? The first lesson, and you don't even have the BASIC courtesy to tell us that you can't be here or whatsoever shit. Right, we waited for like 2 hours plus, cos we ended earlier. Lessons start at 6.30, yet we started wondering if he's coming at 6.50. At 7, we were then told that the teacher CANT MAKE IT, and to go home. Yeah, whatever. So i wasted my time, and slept at school even though we were all oh-so-tired FOR A LESSON THAT DOESN'T EXIST.

Then because of some miscommunications, someone told us to return to the classroom and he will be there. Right, you're a magician. Appear there. I wasn't really very willing to go, since it's been so bloody long, i don't give a damn. But it's kinda bad to others, NOT HIM. AND WHAT THE HELL, HE WASNT EVEN THERE, AND SAID IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING. -.- Wasted my time totally.

I don't know why there is such irresponsible teacher around in SP. What makes it a joke is that they say SP is the best choice. HAH, in your face. Totally misleading. Fail. And he didn't even bothered to tell us there's no lesson til we called Ms Lin up. Do you even deserved to be called a teacher.

FML. AND WE HAD TO PAY FOR THESE LESSONS. I DONT KNOW WHAT AM I THINKING TO PUT SUCH EXTRA BURDEN ON MYSELF. WASTE TIME, WASTE MONEY. FFFFFFFFFFFFFF.







Oh, and SHINee's world concert's a success. Grats, minhonie. Yoogeun went, cute. :)

Oh well, it's officially the first day of school. Ya know, to fulfil my resolution No.1 which is to be more serious in my studies, sigh, i wanted to pay attention in class. But i guess Io Chem really really is boring, cos there's no notes to be taken down, and all the stuff are bloody self-explanatory. God. I cant take it!!!! Oh, yeah, and my nails are too long, cutting into my hand when i write. :O

Okay whatever. Anw, is there a forwarder, lessons seemed alil' slack nowadays, feel like studying all the way with no break, so it could end faster.

Blew my top today, first for 2011. Congrats, Marcus Teo. -.-

I was damn pissed cos' i know there's shinee on tv, and i purposely rushed home after class, nearly ran home, wtf. Then he had to shower right as i reached the door. SPending the WHOLE day dunno doing what shit. But at least he had the brain to shower within 10 minutes, and me spending the half the time to scold him.

Watching minho cheered me up! :)

Oh, spent my ny eve with cousins as usual. Mj while watching MBC's Gayo Daejun. Was alil' unhappy cos they wanted to plug in the laptop to the tv so everyone can watch, but i said it will sure lag, and i didn't want, cos shinee's up next. Then everyone said won't. And it did. Guess my tone might be a lil' harsh but it's becos Minho matters alot to me, and i hate it when people think otherwise, IN THEIR OWN OPINION. LIKE, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE IF HE MATTERS.

But was okay after that, but cheered up right after watching minho on 25th Golden Disk! Count down @11 with Minho according to Korea time, then again in Singapore and watched Minho. So it could be said that i spent the last of 2010 with M and start of 2011 with him too!

Mj was awesome and so was the celebration! Had fun with them, <3. Made new year resolutions together, laughed together, made memories, and even had headaches together. HAHAHA. Then crashed around4, and woke up late. Had brunch, and continued MJing. LOL. Then slacked the whole day before going home to crash again!

School was alright today except it was kinda cold cos it rained and the wind's terribly strong. I AM GOING TO COMPLETE MY IO CHEM FR! :D