Seemed so funny how a day can last so long, and one can feel so many different emotions. Long to leave, long to go california. Where i would be free. Would wanna try clubbing. To let my hair down, where no one cares, and no one knows me.

Shutting out cos that way it wouldnt hurt. Yet shutting out means my feelings are mine and mine alone. Only thing i wanna do now is not let it affect my family and friends.

Hehe, bro friends came over to surprise him this morning. So, got waken up by a rather surprising phone call.

Off to dinner later for bro's bday celebration. Happy Happy.

Something to brighten my week! :D i got my SWC Mosh pit tickets!!!

So happy cos once i put my mind to it, it shows that i can accomplish anything! :D Will try to make the others happy and not dissipate negative feelings.

Overflooding love for my confidantes for the week. Some expected, others not. Regardless, you guys mean the world to meeeee.

Esp him, hehe. Finally realised why i had a crush on him, even if it's for a short period of time. cos he was like no others, in his way of thinking. Born leader yo!

Anyway, im gonna strive and strive. Determined to make my life mine and happy! :)

Hate it when i cant decide. Hate making decisions.

In the midst of reading The Book of Secrets. I swear it's not the normal kind of book i'll read, but it's one of the best. Makes me think how differently we think. In medieval times, people ranked printing as an art. Where discipline and consistency is sought after. It was halfway til the book before i understand and feel why they think it's a great discovery. All along, i was like, it's just a bloody printer. But it is not, to them, it's a machine that changed the life of the world, and makes the world perfect. Indulgences used to be worth alot, but it needs time and effort. What if indulgences is made constant, everyone can actually hold on to something that is similar to what others hold, and feel its significance in having something in common. And what if indulgences can be produced, much more with a machine, than handwritten. The idea of printing is formed, and reformed. From goldsmithing, til milling. It's so aspiring.

But i'm sure what they're looking for wasnt just the creator.

Anyway, enough of ranting about the book. I still can't decide, and there's a OCRM report waiting for me. Should i or should i not? Not very supportive.

Feeling so peckish and snappish all of a sudden, but it doesnt mean its not for a good reason. Feeling so bloody pissed off.

Words dont come. I miss shinee, i miss my life.

Was doing some quizzes! Try it @ http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Some are quite accurate!! :)


and this:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Opps. but yep, true.


You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

BRIGHT AND CHEERFUL! OH. REALLY, HAHAHA, MOVIE STARSSSS.

I swear i am freaking bloody pissed now. Just received email that the advs didnt want to return us the 20%, wtf is wrong with them. As if they will use it. Already lazy enough to not return my emails/ read my emails/ defer my emails and say will tell me by friday & nth came back. FREAKING HELL, YOU REALLY WILL USE IT FOR OUTREACH?! kiss my ass.

so pissed that my wonderful day spoilt by this. school suck.

Anw, been busy with all the gathering and stufffff. <3 missed all my mateeeeeees!! went to sentosa w sim and luv on thurs! had picnic cum suntan, yet simmmaye that girl went "eek the sun" and use her shirt to cover her body each time she's exposed to the sun. o.o

hehe, then met with marc and yx for dinner/kbox! hehehehe all of us sang damn weirdlyy, have some mad funny moments, esp their m18 card <3 hehehe, touched. had dinner @aoba ramen, before having ice cream at ben's. Damn epic cos they were trying to surprise me by buying the ice cream and putting a candle on it, but anw, there's no holder for the candle, so marc had to hold it on his hand. -.- but they're cute anw!!!!! my 小二 and 小三! chatted abt alot of stuffff in the past and now.

OHOHOH, went for k music wave!!!!!!!!! HIGH LIKE MAD. okay, MAD guilty for not gg to mc outing, esp hearing.. but sigh, it's over now. oh, i love taeyang baby, can you imagine him taking off his jacket and throwing it. :O faints*

it was just a 2hr notice cos it's free tickets, AT CAT 2. I DONT BELIEVE IT. OH SO SURREAL.

Then got flo's laptop for her and met with jun and chin at jp! had newyorkx2! heheh laugh like mad with them just like the old times, gossip and talk abt ghostly stuff. then we were so freaked out that all the photos we took looks damn weird esp jun's. deleted quite alot. And that dumb girl had to use effects like old film when we alr are so freaked out.
dunno if i shld laugh or tear when i saw their note. the last part's damn touching even tho it's in chinese. but the poem is damn good <3

then went home for awhile before heading out for korean bbq with girls. mich didnt join :( thanks girls for the dinner and present and the loveeeeeee <3 chitchat over a bloody long dinner with lots of smoke/chicken/bacon/squealing when the oil kena us, and came out smelling like one. so embarrasing when we had to take the train home, the people must be thinking that we're crazy. :(

rched home, and saw a bloody cat, it followed me so had no choice have to walkone whole round and i had to meet another mortal enemy of mine-cockroach. showered twice to get rid of the smell :(

before that had celebration with yiyi and gang at yiyi's house with mj/club sandwiches/ bowling. mygod, i suck at bowling i swear. oh and with the oh so creamy cake <3 and angry bird <3 <3 !!!

and went home to a morgan watch waiting for meee from brother. :') and my cancer cup with birthday money inside!

had sucha wonderful period of my lifeeeeeeee, best 18th. yeah, i'm old/legal already.

Songs i need to make me happy.





Colourless

Long week, so far, longest week of my year. Livin a tight deadline with all the shits piling up. Once gembio report is done still gotta try and finish up csh.

At a stump. Not a quitter, but.. no buts. Push on. Probably shld say think i can do it. Someway, one or another. Talking to people makes me feel better, first time i just spilled everything, even my emotions. Thanks, you.

Shldnt think so much cos all aspects are filing out nicely. Flattered or what. Focus on the good things, cos they are the ones that keeps you moving, through the dark.

Bitter bitter bitter, dont feel like me anymore/ at all. Dont remember how it actually started, just felt the unhappiness build up.
Was so happy before this because of some old friends who knew you btr than anyone else/ even family, who always knew the right thing to say, and whom you feel comfortable with just being yourself.
Thankful for bffs who stayed up late together chatting about random shit from studies to burglars, just because. And thankful for bffs who sends random msges in the midst of mugging, which spoke of our future together.

Things like these in life made me happy, made me thankful that i'm living, alive, healthy and kicking.

Probably cause of these i started to expect just alil' bit more. When you always ask if i'm unhappy, and if i do i know i could always tell you everything, are you even expecting me to say it's not others, it's just you? Cause you dont seem to realised. For one, is it fate, or is it just a coincidence the date always clashes? Or maybe it just reflects how much you actually genuine care. Then when you realised something's wrong, you tried to make a hlafhearted attempt to smooth things out, and things get awkward. You thought it was studies, isnt it?

Though i will say i'm sorry for yesterday, i don't think before i react, i felt and i react. I flinched away cos i didnt know how to react.

Dont like it, but as usual life often threw something you dont like to you. Maybe it's time.

On a side note, watched transformers todayyyyyyyyyyy. I loveeeeeeee this kinda movies and thrillers, love the adrenaline rushing through me, been long since i didnt anything wildly exciting like a badass rollercoaster. Kinda miss the superman from aussie, but lost that exciteness cos been on it a few times.

Bumblebee is my boyfriend, i wanna marry him.