Once upon a time/

Who define definitions?

date/time Thursday, November 29, 2012,12:27 PM

So so tired of thinking about the possibilities. Trying to think which would be better.

It doesnt make you any less, knowing it late. Instead, it makes you more.

Not my battle, not my fight.

Looking at the world. It doesnt stop. I feel.. a lot. Lets start with what i'm expecting. The world to stop for awhile. I feel unfair that life isnt fair. People being happy bout their own life. They are entitled.

I feel thankful for life. I dont know if i should be. But i am.

Its nothing to be ashamed of, everyone's fighting their own battle.

But I hate that we wont ever stop hurting.

I hate that it has to happen.

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date/time Wednesday, November 28, 2012,9:39 PM

Don't tempt fate.

再坚毅的人也抵挡不住命运的使唤。

再深的爱也换不回一句问候。

Words dont come, but what i planned never had the chance to come true.

Such is life.

Dont ever wait, to do something you want to if you can do it now.

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date/time 12:41 AM

Because life is such a bitch sometimes.

I cant promise i'll understand, but i'll always be there.

Been at a loss for what to do. I think i got it. It isnt much, but i hope it helps.

Hemato is killing me, pronto. Kinda out of the norm today. After this week, everything will be fine.

Gonna start on giving tuitions, fyp -_- reports, datasheets..

Dont look fine at all -.-

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date/time Monday, November 26, 2012,9:07 PM

Walking away

It really should be illegal, studying within 2hours right after a meal.

So full, so satisfied, so... sleepy. Totally not conducive for studying at all -_- slept so much over the weekends, but slept late. Went to bed at 1am and i wasnt even sleepy anymore. Past my bedtime.

So many choices to be made in life. I cant make up my mind, because i havent thought it through. If it was the right one, as in, the suitable one for me, and not the politically/morally/ socially right- correct/wrong, i wouldnt have so much troubles, right?

So many ways to decode a word. The wonders of language, the ability to hurt, and to heal.

I came clean, not because i wanted it to be known. But because i got tired of keeping it to myself, trying to convince myself otherwise.

But i'm not gonna spend another four years.

The weekend is goood complete with plenty of naps and good food.

Caught rise of the guardians which is soooooo cute that i kept laughing non stop. And it starts christmas off perfectly.

Santa claus is coming to town!!!!!!!

Jack frost is sucha sweet guy and sandy is too cute to be true. LOL.

And of course, plenty of touching moments that teaches you hope, love, dreams and wishes of the innocent lil kids to protect.

Life is the evil monster making us not believe in magic.

Snippets.

----

I wish i had words to describe how i feel. I kinda feel an undescribable feeling between sad and tired.

Twitter says when you say you are tired, sometimes you are just tired of explaining why you are sad.

Not today..

I am sad for all of the people who have dreams but cant pursue them. Im all for courage and strength and that nothing can stand in your way if you really set out to do it. But in reality, how many could do that? inspirational stories are amazing, they make you go wow. But out of the whole Earth, how many actually manage to do that? Because its harder in life, and not everyone has the courage and strength.

I wish i had, but not enough. Because thinking back, ive let go of a lot of chances that i should have held on and tried. I am a coward.

I am sad because i cant stop the cycle of life. I cant stop the horrors of the world. Im sad because i want to.

You will be fine.

To helen,

Thank you for bringing smiles to my face, and thank you for the warm welcome into the family with a hug and a kiss. Thank you for the times spent together at gateway. You are loved and missed.

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date/time Thursday, November 22, 2012,8:44 PM

Thanksgiving

Starting off with a narcissistic photo of me for thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The photo is cause its been so long i took a nice photo been looking so cui. Actually that day also look cui, just because the lighting is good so it turned out well -_-

Anyway, it's thanksgiving today and i feel so inbalanced knowing that i'll have to cram for blood banking tonight while people are celebrating thanksgiving!!!!

I thank my 'rents for everything i have in my life cause if they didn't decide to fall in love, or if my mum didn't give my dad a chance, i won't be here.
And i thank them for believing in me always(i hope), and backing me in whatever i do, despite them nagging about it. Okay lah, you are entitled ok.

I thank brobro for annoying me, for fighting with me so i learnt to fight well. And for teaching me so many nonsense and instilling the sense of fun in me. Thank you for letting me annoy you every night(grins) and thank you in advance for not asking me to do things for you.

I thank my ahma, for nagging and nagging and nagging at me, despite me getting really short with her. Thank you for doing things that seemed to be done by itself for me, and worrying nonstop.

I thank my bff whom she better know it's her, for being my friend for almost 6 years and close to 7 years now. Thank you for amusing me endlessly and making me happy, sad, annoyed, and angry.

I also thank my babies for the support always(where?) LOL, kidding, whenever i rant or whatever and standing by my side.

I thank my clique for the crazy and fun 3 years i spent in poly, and for making my 3 years so worthwhile.
Thank you luv for listening to me when i'm sad and tolerating me when i'm incessantly high, and the long asses emails we shared. I'll kick his butt to milky way if he does anything bad!

I thank my bb orni gangnam for being my family with or without blood for the always warm opening arms, and brushing off all the unhappiness. Thank you for making me feel like i belong.

& i thank all the friends i made throughout my life. I'll choose to believe cause i'm feeling happy today. Ignore all the falsies and i'm still thankful cause it's all part and parcel of life, and you cant expect everyone to be real and sincere.
There are a few that i am closer to, or i think i am, but i don't want it to turn out that i'm wrong. But i'm still thankful cos i believe each encounters made me into who i am now.

& i thank life for life itself.

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date/time Tuesday, November 20, 2012,10:48 PM

Identity crisis

Really need to talk to someone who understands. -_-

Days have been passing by so quickly yet filled to the brim so i kinda feel like woah its only tues, but yet holy crap, its tues already?!

Anyway the most most eggciting event over the weekend was that my cousin got married! granted we are not that close but still, happiness when a couple decides to step into the church. I dont believe in forever, but at least they are living in the moment, and marriage is for life.

Went to the cous housr for tea ceremony. Had lil fun just mingling and went to fep with mama to shop around alil. I really dont like going home at noonish or so just to go out again at night. ._.

Somehow ma has this idea to set our hair cause we are actually late already, and she reckons this is the wedding of the year. LOL.

So that made us even later apparently, and rushed home to shower. And i practically got ready in 10mins cos mum kepy nagging me to put mask. 

The wedding dinner was awesome. Sat with the crazy gang. LOL. REMINISCING ABOUT OUR ADVENTURES. kinda got closer like we used to, and spammed photos. So happy. Like really happy.

Simple things make me happy. Happy sigh.

This week is gonna be hell. With bloodbanking on fri and hemato on monday. Seriously it would help if the work is evenly distributed. Crammed one chapt in a lesson is not cool yo.

im speaking up, but youre not listening.

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date/time Friday, November 16, 2012,10:02 PM

I'm trying so fucking hard.

God knows this must be the hardest ever i've done. I can do it. I just wished that somewhere i could vent all of this so i don't lash back. Don't do anything that i would regret.

date/time 12:05 AM

Revel in the joy from the process

Theres more stuff i should be concentrating on now.

I dont wanna list them out cos then they will overpower me and ill get crush by their heavy weight.

I am gonna do something unique on 20122012 cause since the world is gonna end on that day.

SIGH.

Thats all i seemed to be doing these days when i look around me.

Why am i researching on universities courses when people are clubbing, enjoying life, travelling. Seriously. If the world ends on 20122012, what have i achieved?

Well okay, happiness from me and around me and that counts for something. But not anything worth remembering!!!

unconsciously sigh again in the stupid quiet room and scared my own ass oFf. -.-

Wishing that i would stumble onto a course and hoping i would know its the ONE as i did for most of things in my life. I trust my instincts and intuition that much, yes.

Pretty full day, cos at least im understanding blood banking and finally caught mdm mah to understand more about my choices. She made me think more, so now im even more confused and i dont know if thats good.

How nice if we could keep studying and learning. I dont mind learning. Its a really fun process, cause everything seemed interesting. Law, anthropology, criminal psychology, geosciences. Im listing all the impractical ones.

Why?

Cause we are in Sg.

Oh and folklore. I dont mind going to amazon basin. Of cos i dont mind. Its will i be willing. Tough choice.

My wishes dont seem to come true and maybe 'what if somebody wishes on 11.11 for everyone's wish to not come true #mindblown' is right?!

Anyway studied at 11c this afternoon and got a headache from the air con directly blowing at me. That or the borymycin. But please, no. Sigh.

I am gonna counted the numbers of sighs later. And went to collect my comm. Heheh. ^^

Had NAPFA and the timing wasnt great. Suffering from a cramp now. But thanks to the people there who are all so niceeeee. :))

'Even Gods dont tempt the haggards of Fate.

Cos' they are responsible for the order of balance in life. When life gets too orderly, throw a little chaos in. And when chaos get out of hand, they regain the order. '

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date/time Wednesday, November 14, 2012,5:22 PM

The sharp knife of a short life

It's like a ranting period. ._.

But since it made me feel better, i'll just continue.

It's a lazy afternoon at home, decided not to go anywhere cause i'm just so beat. Somehow. Then it rained. Really love the smell of the rain, raining season.

Currently drafting out the fyp report cos i don't wanna be swarmed in two weeks when mst arrives. Another problem of its own. Trying to shake it off, but i can't. Life. But at least it taught me something. That no matter what happens, rely on yourself.

Went out with the council gang ytd to LAN and dinner at Indulge. Typed indulge 3 times cause i forgot how to spell it ._. Played the versus L4D2 instead of campaign since we have 5 people. LOL. Didn't try that before, and it wsa so hard being an undead. God. I manifested as a charger but apparently someone/anyone fail to tell me if i charge, it has to be clear road. Ever seen a charger rammed into a chair? Well, it's pretty funny.

But got used to it, and managed to slam a mere human on the ground and incapcitate him. LOL a few times somemore. Proud. And rachie saw what i'm doing and said wah so sadist LOL. Kinda like hulk. My fav.

Somehow i die so easily as an undead as compared to a human, and somehow when i am fighting off a bloody charger i emptied my gun and the charger is still alive. BUT I DIE SO EASILY AS A CHARGER ASS. And i think i got the award for the shortest living tank. LOL

But anyway it was fun when rachie and bf left, and we 3 played campaign. So shiok aiming at the heads of the zombies watching it blast off. Honestly.

Then played CS as usual, headshot, melee fight. Shortlived pleasures.

Had dinner which wasnt very nice at indulge before heading to plaza sing to get scissors when jh supposedly wanted to help cwei cut his hair. LOL. I chickened out. ._.

Slacked at staircase for a super long time before going home and to my surprise the house is dead quiet. Sheez, and it was supposed to be a public holiday.

Relying on horoscopes since my instinct ain't kicking in. I should do something bout it. But what? Sigh.

Can't wait for this acad year to be over. Just.. get it over and done with. I never thought i would feel this way.

date/time Monday, November 12, 2012,9:07 PM

You said youll be there.

Am i struggling to pull myself out or letting myself sink in?

Struggling requires too much effort.

Wishing for so damn much.

What.. There's too much going on.

Maybe cause ive been holding on and not letting go. And maybe cause ive been thinking and brooding and not doing anything bout it.

Time to get my ass up and do something. Dont let me think too far.

Ginleef os tespu. I need a run badly.

Trying to remember why i tried so hard in the first place. Its always down to remembering why it is all worth it. It is when you tell yourself it is.

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date/time Friday, November 09, 2012,11:12 PM

Keep the stuff that are important close to you, and those important people even closer to your heart.

Went through some stuff and the need to write came to me. Started on a story again, but still deciding if i want to cut it short and write anecdote or develop it into a full story.

Sorry if i realised it so damn late and by then it was too late to do anything but to run again.

Small excerpt:

"She woke up with a start, blinded by fear. What cruelty is fear, something that can't be seen yet hides in the deepest abyss of our hearts, eating up our faith, inch by inch.

Slowly, the trembles resided, and she lain there, thoughtful, and careful.

Anastasia forgot the dream, as always but tasted the fresh taste of fear each and every time. Sighing, she rised and got ready for a new day. "

Anyway, mama got either b. cereus infection from the fried rice she ate at the buffet ytd that she was trolling me with. ._. That or gastric flu. I'm placing my bets on bacteria instead of virus, but why does it matter as long as she gets well.

Went out for shopping with kaikai ytd and we spend like money is free yooo. LOL. I think her best buy is the 5 bucks flowery shoes, which is damn cheap. At one point, i was wearing my cap with my hair up, and it turns out that she saw her friend. LOL and she immediately took off my hat. Afterwards i was asking her about why did she do that, and actually i guessed cos i looked like a guy from the back, later her friend tot she's out with a guy LOL.

Had a more than nice dream last night, and i remembered it. Yay. Not losing my memories.

Lessons were boring. Full Stop.

I'm trying to understand, but you're not helping.

date/time Thursday, November 08, 2012,11:53 PM

Pent up frustrations

Because someday, one way or another, people stop giving. They stop trying.

How do you stop yourself from doing that??

feel like retreating. I dont need a break. I need my own world.

Then ill feel fraid cos then when i do decide to come back, i will worry about the time lost.

Driven yet..

Was walking back home when i chanced upon a snail moving towards the grass right smack in the middle of the road.

It was so focused on its destination. Probably in its life, theres nth more than moving cause they move so slowly.. erm.

But anyway, humans live so long yet not all have a goal and are working towards it.

Are we then wasting our life?

Feels empty, yet burdened.

Dont wanna think so much, i dont wanna feel. I need me a distraction but wgm is not downloading.

Left to my own devices, im brooding again.

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date/time Wednesday, November 07, 2012,10:49 PM

Smile and wave to your past

Sigh lost the caps ball match. Super annoying. Feels as if didnt do enough. But anyway, it's over and i'll forget it soon.

So excited for the shopping trip with kaikai tmrrrrr. Been so long since i've seen heeeeeeer. And blood banking tmr. If he really is doing blood group testing, i am honestly willing yo. LOL. Just did finger prick on tues, and despite me okay with drawing people's blood, i'm still not okay with it. Thankgod lcccy did a wave before the plunge, and i was distracted. But i was moaning about the pain. Inconvenient.

And i drew blood til i shiok ytd. Could have succeeded all but that a.r totally attacked my esteem and my first failed. The rest i did it with him occupied LOL.

Kinda miss the dip plus itp. It's so hard to keep in contact with everybody you met. But i cant distance myself. ._. Caught. Burdened.

Suddenly the routes seemed so far, yet so near. I cant see the light at the end though i know it'll be there. Not seeing scares me.

date/time Monday, November 05, 2012,11:25 PM

Love encompasses.

Been having quite a few heartening chitchats, which i love the most at times. It's almost like food for thought.

Had a super good weekend which the week ended with a blast at kickboxing. At first we were pretty skeptical cause it's at Far East Shopping Centre and not the plaza, and kinda ulu. But it turned out to be super fun, and the funniest thing that happened was when we were doing the stomp kick, and we did it the dance way and the instructor was like, "er, not groin kick, try stomp kick." LOL. Now i know.

Had Sun with Moon after that, which is super good but i'm gonna have to eat grass this whole week, i'm always saying i'm broke but cant EVER resist food. ._. Food is gonna be my downfall.

So started the weekend with an impromptu trip to JB with the 'rents and couz. Watched movie, did the usuals like eat, and massage, and decided to stay for the night cause there was a massive jam. Hotels fully booked since the noon cause we were thinking of staying, so we chilled at kim gary's while googling for hotels.

"Hi, do you have wifi around?"

"Uh, Yes, we do. The pw is ******"

*Looks intently and nod*
*Everyone whips out phone*

"EH WHAT'S THE PW AH"

LOL. Bunch of wifi suckers.

So anyway crashed at Grand Paragon for the night, and woke up refreshed and went to salon while mama had a hair makeover. I kinda think it's for the wedding soon. LOL. Fam are so eggcited for that after hearing couz wanted to buy suit and tie. Hi, seriously? Imma just grab a dress and wear it. Not that my dresses gain a lot of air time, so.. LOL. It will be like a new one. :)

Had the CHICKEN FROM SHIHLIN. OMG. THAT HAS GOTTA BE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY. COS. IT. IS. JUST. SO. AWESOME.

Salivating when i'm thinking of it now. Talking about food reminds me that i gotta grab truffles at awfully choco on wed before the match. :D

Went back SG bout 7ish and had zichar before heading home. So beat til i had a close eye in the car and kinda went out like a dead log.

If only, people learn to love the right way
If only, people learn what they think of love

Nope, If only people learn that love encompasses all.

It's easier to love family, because beyond the flaws, you only see the strengths for who they are. I guess if you don't love enough, you won't ever get beyond that. If more, love blinds.

The balance in the world. Strike it.

I got a hell of a tolerance for people i realised, if i'm not in one of my mood. Or towards the bro. LOL.

date/time Saturday, November 03, 2012,12:49 AM

It's funny how we look for qualities we like, and ignore that.

date/time Thursday, November 01, 2012,10:26 PM

Miss Grumps

I guess the tiredness is catching up onto me now. Been a good week so far, and gonna end it on a even better note i guess, if tomorrow kickboxing went well and i dont suffer any major injuries like breaking my arm, choy.

Not been sleeping well which is making me super frustrated prolly cause i dont even know. Sigh. Just fell asleep in front of the desktop in my chair, which makes my bone ache even more they have been aching LOL.

But on a good side, i found out how to combat the nausea and my blisters that i got from the badminton. Whatever possessed me to take off my shoes i reaaaaaaaally don't know ._.

Hot tea works. LOL was watching para 4 ytd and the suspense was literally killing me. I can take gore or scary images, just dont keep building up the suspense to let it drop with a .. rotting face. Like whut? I wasnt even breathing much i think. And i went to down the stupid doxycycline which was a really smart move. Went Ikea for my meatballs in the end feel so bad. So apparently i got this idea to drink something hot since it was raining and the rain made us cab to ikea from two bus stops away cause a blur person didnt know which stop to stop at. -.-

THE METER DIDNT EVEN JUMP ._.

So the tea made me better and i satisfied my craving heheh. Went back sch for caps ball match, which went pretty well and fun heh. Was furiously stomping on my blisters so it doesnt irritate me during the game. I really think that's the way to solve the blisters problem. At least it only hurts for the stomping and doesnt sting throughout, but i also didnt really notice so -.- Poor blisters :/

It's the taking off plasters an ass. Like tearing off my own head. Not good.

Went to find the girls at switch@timbre for Cai Er's bday. Wasnt planning to eat anything but then haveta order a drink and my stomach was emptier than a drain so i ordered a salad so i wont get gastric from the sling. Woooo.

Kinda high from taking pics and Mags and Caier went up the stage. Mags seriously went all out ^^ Wonderful wonderful day ytd. Better if i dont take doxycyline, seriously i'm getting tired. No appetite, cant take med, die also take, even more no appetite LOL. Vicious cycle yo.

And school ended really early today, so went to watch perks of being a wallflower with luv. It was freezing in the theatre but the movie was pretty good for a half chick flick.

School is being.. slack. I mean, slack as in really slack. I was stoning in class cause A.R was droning on and on, and i was so out of it. Like i cant sleep but no brain juice. But that's not the point. The point is oh, yeah, school is slack. Monday 12-2, Tues, 12-3, Wed NO SCHOOL, Thurs 8-11, Fri 10-4. But that's because i took extra modules which i'm really happy since forensics is fun and i have nth better to do LOL. Nah i'm kidding. I just dont wanna start on FYP report. Cant the time just stop for awhile? It's moving awfully quick.

And i'm starting to hyperven cos school is so slack. Yeah, so i decided i would be a good kid and study tomorrow. In case there's a quiz next week, when i don't even rmb learning ANYTHING ._.

Should camp in school to wait for that stupid girl to end sch before going kickboxing. Not gonna download any videos into my phone i mean it. Let's hope 11c wont be fuuuull.

And cause i'm so grumpy, i just kinda screamed at bro for shaking me and my knees hit the metal bar. -.- but i know he loves me. LOL. FAT HOPE.

i don't doubt anything but the future. Not you.

date/time 9:58 PM

Miss Grumps or Mr Grumps.. ?

I guess the tiredness is catching up onto me now. Been a good week so far, and gonna end it on a even better note i guess, if tomorrow kickboxing went well and i dont suffer a

date/time 9:58 PM

Miss Grumps or Mr Grumps.. ?

date/time 9:58 PM

Miss Grumps or Mr Grumps.. ?

I guess the tiredness is catching up onto me now.