When im tired i feel cranky. When i feel like im pressurized i feel cranky. When its that time of that month, even crankier.

And somemore these 3 loves to happen concurrently.

-.-

even more cranky today cos i didnt manage to eat my dragon beard and tofu. Life sucks when

you dont get your food.

The need to buck up for almost all of the modules.

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Wasnt it just an image that has captured you? It

Im in my favourite place in daaaaa world world world. Excluding non-sg places. Trying to study but apparently my phone is calling me.

Spent last night thinking bout the education system and dreamt that I wrote a kickass letter to the top and ended up being sued. What a dream.

But I kinda remembered the contents of the letter cos it's so kickass.

'There lies the crux of the problem. How well is well?'

I think I was writing bout how it was unfair that we had to study another year and still be the 10th percentile. I mean yeah polytechnics may started out being an institute for the less academic inclined but since Singapore is a forward country of cos there must be improvements. Some people like the concept here. So they shouldn't just stereotype all of us as not suitable for university education and that seems a little discriminating to me.


And trust me I totally know the differences of stereotyping and discrimination. I agree with stereotyping but no discriminating. Go figure.


But this argument may seem alil one sided Cos it wasn't fully developed unlike in my dreams hahaha

Dreams and reality. I like both :)

okay I'm just rambling cos the study bug haven't caught me yet but I feel my brain is working again.

I was actually listening to biostat today and I missed math. Hahahahahahah.

Or maybe I'm just happy Cos I made my ezlink card which is now in q noob lotte world card holder for kids. :X

Arrasso I will get one more suitble for me soon. But I'm so lazy when it gets to buying things for myself.

And bro's birthday is coming soon! Think mama is gonna book todai, some kind of buffet at mbs that bro wants to try. Can't wait for sushi.

Been eating like mad today. Mee sua and cos there's no egg, wanted to get cheese fries but Chong got an Lu Dan for me happy girl Max.

I don't like it but I can't do anything and I'm not gonna let you guys affect me. *Holds head up high*

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Because we care, so many things are able to hurt us.
But if we dont, how do we know if we ever lived?

I hate questioning myself just what the heck am I doing.

If I were a car, id be one driving aimlessly on a straight road with occasional detours

I've strayed and guided back not becos I want to, but becos I need to.

I can't afford to disappoint, and I don't like to.

My wishes always include good health and happiness for everyone but net something I really want. So badly that I would wish for it year and years to be.

It's always the unknown and the uncertainty that terrifies me.

And it's always back to this that I'm forced to think, to justify and to subject myself to the judgmental stares of people around.

Black and white isn't distinct. It may be for some matters but definitely no everything.

I see shades of grey.
But why do some people have the ability to deem others as what they are not.

There, it goes with choices. There is always a choice because free will is what we are granted with.

Who can say for sure a choice is the right one or the wrong one?

What is right and what is wrong? What is the truth and what are lies?
Truth is all but words that can be as easily changed to be a lie.
If truth is seen, then why do people doubt their eyes and believe in something they couldn't see?

Truth may be felt, but how do share what is felt with another?

Only you yourself know if it's the right choice or not. If you made the wrong choice, then that is regret.

I dont regret because I don't ever would view my choices as the wrong one becos I learn.


"I can see from the spark in your eyes, you believe in all the things you deny. You wanna fly and leave your worries behind. "
Extraordinary - Lucy Hale

Time really passes so quickly. Can't believe my nephews are sec 4 and sec 1 already!!!!!!!!

Still damn shocked and in denial now. The thing I feel wasted for was not being in sg for Chinese new year. I don't regret and never will. But sigh.  It's not the same when you're not here despite them staying up just to tango me and keep asking me to mj..

And I didn't catch my nephews and only niece. I bet they missed their auntie. Those annoying fellas ESP ming and mav, die also must call me Auntie make me feel old. Ning is the sweetest and the most unladylike girl I ever known.

I missed having kids in my life.

Live the moment and never regret any single moment. I don't wanna be pertually sad., but I still feel *inserts an indescribable emotion * when I think of the ezlink sticker. Could the person just return me my sticker?

I can replace the card but I can't really replace the sticker. Objects are always objects to me. I don't really care about them when I know I should. But the sentiments behind them is what counts.

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Was supposed to be a good day yet it was ruined.

I'm angry with myself cos I knew I am careless yet I still let it be.

I'm angry cos I didnt even know.

To add on, I hate feeling that I don't belong.

Queen of the dumbs

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I can feel it.. It's time again. I can't grumble, cos I have so so so much to be thankful about. And the only way I know how to express grattitude is to be my best.

Really don't like all of the work that is collapsing around me. ._. Procrastinate and suddenly you have so much things due all at once. I don't like that kind I feeling yet it's the only way I would do my work productively.

If not I would be thinking there's still time and apparently waste all those time just thinkin of what I should be doin and not doing some things I ought to be doing. I'm getting confusing.

During our last gems class we had. Personality test, yea again, and I finally found out how complex am I as a person. I think I like it. But I think then I won't get the understanding that I new to and I hate explaining myself.

I never saw any reasons in explaining myself unless I can see it clearly it's a misunderstanding. If that is what you think of me, then you don't know me well enough. How I feel about it is my feelings and emotions.

I guess I've changed that I talked more about stuff but I still don't talk about emotions. Cos' it's always mine and mine alone.

What I feel should not change anything because I am responsible for that.

Why do I still feel like im Always trying and trying.. How I wish I could see how people think and feel cos I think human are all complex. How can you be nice but mean? How can a disease be rare and common? It's the same theory and a freaking oxymoron.

But I know there's people who will always accept me for who I am and I have to be thankful for that.

The time has come again.

Shouldn't grumble cos' i should be thankful. Okay let's go. I can do it once, i can do it all.

I havent got the chance to reply the email. Sigh. Feel so bad cos' it's half composed but i didn't wanna just reply for the sake of replying.

Been SO SO SO happy this week. :)

Started with c. gang for a surprise celebration. That was the most surprised surprise i could EVER get.
Then out with the 3 idiots for my birthday, even though they were being bloody mean! Plus movie with Marc.
Then had dinner at TCC with clique then beermarket & Wild Oats. Hell of a night. & I'm so so thankful for knowing this bunch of crazy girls. Won't ever forget that night and we'll definitely have more of those.
Finally my actual celebration with family @ Vivo! Mama booked serenity and a suckling pig, and she was being totally calm & not secretive at all asking me what do i wanna eat. What if i said Jap food?! Then she ordered mojito and had a sip and turned all red. LOL. The food was pretty good & then mama actually prepared a mini cake and the live band to sing. ._. It was so awkward. But sweet. :x

Okay i just tried to freaking send the pictures from the my phone to my computer but i ended up deleting them. WTF. I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. THIS IS THE REASON WHY I HATED TECHNOLOGY.

Anyway. Ma asked for my ezlink card saying she's gonna bring me to a bar and i was like why cant i bring it myself. ._. In the end she walked into singtel and bought S3 for me while i collected the tickets. MUM CAN BE A SUPER GOOD SURPRISE PLANNER. LOL. Must find a name for S3. ANYWAY IT'S THANKS TO THAT STUPID PHONE THAT I DELETED ALL THE PICTURES YESTERDAY.


Back to Sat, went for Ice Age with mama half drunk and laughing her ass off. 


Went to my second home on Suuuuun. Trust everyone to say start early cos' it's sunday and Candy low says she will wake up early in the end she's still the last!! 


Walked there and ending up being a roasted chicken.
Played MJ, slacked, running man, talked, crapped, EAT and EAT and EAT.

Small yiyi and sheryl made the pretty cupcakes and the picsworthy cake. OMG. SO PRETTY.
Then they made a card also supa pretty and had a agnes b makeup pouchhhhhhhh. I feel so blessed for this year's birthday.

All the wishes were heartfelt(super big on this), call me whatever you want, but i really dont like just happy birthday from any person just becos they saw the notifications.


































& you remembered.

Believe i've posted this before but I really really like walking at night after it rains.

Its even more beautiful than the usual night cos it's like the rain washed away all of the dirt leaving only the mud, the grass everything so fresh.

So clear, so twinkling, so calm.

Reminded me of you.

I am really happy happy happy kept mama-ing my mama. Happy happy that she's back.

Happy happy that I went out with 3 idiots and been so long since I've seen marc!

Happy happy that I finally know contentment.

It doesn't matter if you had more, what matters is cherishing what you have now. If you don't, you'll lose sight of it and that's when you realized what is really important.

I still dream of going back someday and I know I will. I feel confident to reply the email now.

Thank you for everything, whoever you are.

Am so so happy that i am bout to burst today.
MAMA IS BACK. :D

With lots of stuff from bkk. Ah i missed bkk.

But anw, the stuff may make me happy but i guess it matters more 'cos she thought of me the most. *happy*

Almost like half of the luggage is filled with my stuff like the bikini is always wanted, the puffy house shoe i kept whining cos i didnt bring it back from US, and my nail products. :') She wanted to wrap it up but i saw and she refused to tell me what it is, so i die also had to see. I wish i were'nt sucha surprise spoiler.

Sucka for surprises but hard to surprise ._.

Then was telling mama how she bought too much stuff for me and she was like Oh, half of them i bought thinking it's for your birthday. Hehehe :x

I feel so blessed, fortunate, happy, loved, whatever. I just do. It has always been this, isnt it? The emotional factor for me to push on in life.

Need to get this off my chest cos if not i cant concentrate for the test tmr. It's gonna be hell, cos' i cant afford to screw this up, since i did badly for the presentations. What happened to my confidenceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

I want so much to post it up so i can admire it in the many more days to come but i cant seemed to find the time.

Spent last night practically not sleeping cos i know my brain is thinking. I think i surpassed the max level if there is any, becos i could remember what am i memorising about it my sleep.

I definitely did sleep, but you know how the brain will restart itself and absorb the information? Guess what, my conscious do know it. I dont think its my subconscious.

It was as if i live in my own brain watching as the info passes. Yeah, i rmbed all the stuff i need for ppt. Now let's do it for the test shall we? And i can finally be at peace, cos' it's especially important for me to do well. It's not hard to rmb, it's harder to formulate the answers since all the info is scattered.

Sigh. Truckloads of assignment yet i'm still sick. I really hate coughing. It screws up my lungs capacity and my throat.

Received a really special email today and i was really happy. Emailed Jack and Elaine 'bout 4th of july and they both replied :)

I wondered what was i doing on that day. How did i feel, and if i felt if anything was amissed. I know it's a life cycle, but it still makes me sad. Makes me hurt 'cos others hurt.

Life goes on, and happiness will be with those who wants it.

Went out w dear on sat to study! Had lunch with my poor o' daddy cause my omma/ his wife is overseas so he's lonely HAHAHAHA.

&.. i kinda snatched seats with a few poor primary school seats by dazzling them with my beauty. LOL okay bullshit. But yes, i feel embarrassed of snatching the seats from them. BUT I HONESTLY DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMEONE SITTING THERE.

Then when they came back they were like, "eh, how come left one chair? Let's go find another"

*places chair next to me*

"Erm, sorry, i have a friend seating here. Could you guys share just a table? Do you mind? BEAMS* "

"oh, okay can! Nevermind la, my friend can just sit behind, he's nameless" LOL.

But anyway, the deed's done. heh.

Went to chong's church afterwards. It was amazing how i felt. Like my heart is so full from watching them.
Then went to old airport road cos frog wants laoban.
Bought both laoban and 51, and dear thinks 51 is nicer! Like Chi ni dou hua best tho! The aunty selling 51 is sooo nice.

"Aunty I want 3"

"Aunty only have 1 leh! Can 3 of taohuey?"

hahahahaha.

"Aunty where got sell nice hokkien mee?"

"Behind, but don't know close already anot? If not down the route!!"

Always felt it's nice to converse with people, to get to know the area best :)

I guess I was too caught up with not wasting the years that I've forgotten what do I really want in life.

How could you settle for less when you once had so much more?

You could. When you have everything you need.

I forgot what was the most important thing to me. Perhaps it's too long cos I've long forgotten about my goal.

So yea, ive got to make a choice again.

I don't know this time.

Ariel

Isnt a life cycle what we first learnt in school? To fully accept life, to appreciate it, you gotta deal with the natural cycle of life.

Ah, i'm sick of trying to feel, sensitize myself.

Watched Joys of life for the afternoon since i woke up super late and made quesadillas :)))
Have so much stuff to do but i'm so lazy!

Had to feel to dress up so went to town for dinner and mama has to watch spidey even though i'm already watching on friday ._. now i'm gonna watch it twice.

So apparently there wasnt much seats, correction, there wasnt ANY seats. But the guy selling it was nice enough and unblocked the VIP seats for us. Wanted to watch dictator and he asked if i'm 18? I do looked freaking 18 alright, then daddy was like huh, she look so young meh? Thanks huh.

I really think parker's damn hot and the chemistry between gwen and him's there!!!! Emma stone is SOOOOO pretty *stars in my eyes* I don't mind a boyfriend like parker.

Then went for dinner at newton had chicken wings and satay at midnight i feel fat already seeing all the oil. But let's be positive shall we.

Saw another hot guy riding on a bike and was speeding. ;)