So Hello Barcelonaaaaaaa~
The first day at Barce was a rainy one, and it was so damn sad cause the tour guide said Spain RARELY rains. And when it rains, spainards, or rather barcelonians forgot how to function normally LOL. I think he used the example of an ant, when you kill an ant, the ant behind moves erratically cause it lost the sense of direction and function hahahahahhaha.

So after we picked up the tour guide, we had the land tour by bus. I'll elaborate more about tours in european countries as i go, but defnitely sitting in a bus looking out of the window, with the miserable rain dripping wasnt what i had in mind.

But first we went past the stadium, OMG and can you imagine after the day i left barcelona, there's like a match. WTS. totally missed it, and barcelona lost damn badly haahahhaha.
& i digress, we went up the hillside to the olympic marina and this is the view down.
Quite a pity since it's really wide, like you're beholding the whole world beneath you. & the camera cant really capture the magnificance. K can, blame my skills, the cam is good. LOL



And then the famous El Sagrada Familiaaaaaaa~ This intricate building was designed by Gaudi, but apparently all he ever did was to build/decorate a door in 43 years. LOL
Based on the designs on that door, drawings and instructions from gaudi, future artists had to kinda analysed and understand and reconvey what he actually wants to portray, and since there are many artists, the whole design of the building was rather unconventional and cool.










And then we had some free time at barce so we went into this cute dim dark shop and had our lunchhhhhh



 And then we went up the mountains to Montserrat, a place where i read before in my FICTION books, a place where monks reside, to keep the SECRET. lol ok la, that's in my book.
But nevertheless, it's a super pretty place and damn cold, colder than barcelona where already i was freezing. I was only wearing a ripped teeshirt and Abercromber Jacket. -___-

I always said if you push it right to the end of your mind, not to forget but just to let it be. To pick up the rest of your life and move on, then as time passes, youll find that it gets less important, and hurts even less.

But sometimes it slipped past my guard. I wished to hell that i could have changed it. But i didnt. Because that would have been disastrous. You were the one who gave it all, while i ran.

Have so so many blog posts but i cant decide which to blog about, or which can be blog about.

Went out with luv today and we really talked chatted crapped for a goos 4hrs without stopping.

80%-50%??????

Then i told her about the weird dream. LOL. SUPER DUPER WEIRDDDD.

Hi,

I guess we are all different. You said I wasn't open-minded, i thought you were the one who isn't. Who's living a lie? Perhaps we are both talking about different things. Your kind of open means exposure to things that I didnt know. My point is, how do you know i havent been? There are so many different issues in this world. And how you perceive it depends on how much importance you place on it. Some dont matter to me. Because after all i ever am, is just a mere being. I cant care for more than what happens in my world. And what happens in my world, isnt just the world you live in. It is the world i let in. Maybe you will never understand, because our views are just so different. I don't care about the things that you may feel strongly against. You don't like to be manipulated. Im not sure if it hurts your pride but i call that a stubborn fool. Instead of rejecting it, isnt it possible to turn it to your best advantage? Manipulation works both ways. I get my fair share out of it, i call it a deal.

I said you weren't open minded, i meant to say, you can't view things from another point. Or rather, you can't accept it. You may say you can, but you don't. It might have occurred to you, but never will you take it as a stand.
There are many kinds of people, and they may do certain things for different reasons. You cant condemn them as brainless fools just because they dont think the same way as you do. Truth is, we all have different aims in life. We all have different places we want to get to in life. If that brings them happiness, you dont have the right to deem them as useless or brainless or fools. You don't want that, they do. And at the end of the day, perhaps you'll be wallowing in your own world while they are happy. Sometimes not thinking too much may not be anything bad. Not wanting to think and not able to think, in your opinion is both stupid. Not wanting to is a fool, and not able to is stupid, i know that. But at least fools are happy. Are you?

I wanna know, what makes you happy? Since when did you fall in this state of staleness? When nothing much makes you happy? Isnt life hard this way? Isnt it boring? I could question every single thing about your life, and you would respond with " You don't understand." You're right. I don't.
Even if you dont expect people to understand you, you do want understanding. I cant understand, but i'll accept it. I dont see how someone could live in a state of misery, which is in my opinion, should i were to live life this way. I cant live, without somewhere to get to, without something on my agenda. If i were to float, float will be on my agenda. Not unknowingly.

Maybe to you, you'd feel like you understand, but true understanding is not just knowing, you'll have to accept it. And you don't. Sometimes in your heart, you'll wonder why. We are all just mere human beings. We don't have supernatural power, we cant read minds, we are not invincible. If you want to be, do something about it. Don't give it up, before you even start. Find something that makes you happy in life.

I like to see you happy, because your happiness is contagious especially when it's so rare. Everyone gets sad. You can feel lonely, in a place full of people. I know, and i think you do too. It's about overcoming that sense of darkness, unspeakable, unnameable, and finding the light. Sometimes the simplest things makes you happy. Open up your heart, and see. Be tolerant, even towards foolish things. Some days may be crappy, some people may piss you off and then you do still feel. Emotions are what makes us humans.

I love you, like you do me
Ill see you soon

Damn its like one am in the morning and im having hiccups.

Eventful week which i really enjoyed but it sucked all the energy outta me. -_- out for a full 16 hours today. Wow.

People. Emotions. Actions

Three simple words, a whole load of complex situation.
Can life ever be simple?

Head's throbbing,
with decisions
with memories
with lethargy
with worries

without you.

Sometimes i forgot everyone is facing problems of their own. And sometimes, i get so caught up in my own...  misery that i dont see it. I isolate myself on this island on my own, blank and oblivious. There, i don't feel. Not as much as i usually do, when i heard about something happy or something sad. When something someone says, struck a chord or just moves me.

I've been feeling just a bit sad, cause to be brutally honest, i can't find the thing that i really wanted. Now i'm not sure what is it anymore, it's been so long.

Then I've been feeling vexed and usually feeling that will make me upset and disgusted with myself for not being firm and decisive.
I've been a coward this few days. Left emails unread and some texts that i dont wish to see unreplied. For that, I'm angry with myself.

Coupled this with a lil more of feeling unwanted, i kinda need a lil of myspace. Had a good walk for 2hours just about. I thought it through, i think. Wonder when people justify others' actions, who is it really for? Is it self deception or honestly believing that person?

Perception is such a wondrous subject. And you go, hey maybe it's because.... so he/she said that and so on, and there you go, suddenly you feel that the world suddenly becomes so beautiful. I'm not sure which category i belong to, self deception? Or the knowledge that the person you know wouldnt feel a certain way to you?




 This mum wants something thrilling so we had banana boat first but it wasnt as crazy as the one i had in bintan. This is like just a fast ride? It doesnt have the huge waves and crazy turns i like.


 The flying fish was awesome though. The dude orientating the float was so (Y). Had to see the wind change/ velocity and all those cheemology and see when to pull the float to fly!!


 We were practically flying 90degrees i could see the sea, sand and water. :)










 We went to have gusto ice cream cause mum found it onlie which is she damn proud of hahahahahh!!

Dilemma.. i really dont know how and people start asking me stuff i dont have the answers to.

I know where i want to get to in life, but thay doesnt mean i know how i wanna get there.
I think of the future, but never beyond the day. Cause that will make me crazy. Im contradicting myself again.

I always believed the answers will fall straight right out when i needed them, so before it comes, im just not gonna think. But the questions are driving me crazy.

I dont know. I dont know if i will be happy. I dont know how do i feel. All the more i dont know how you feel. I dont know if i will like it. I dont know if its the most suitable choice for me. I dont care if its right. Feeling so pissed and feeling so.... undescribable.

If, and only if...

And last night i dreamt that you came back. To write it in all clear honesty, you came back Aafter gathering up your courage once and for all. Held my hands and say you would never let go.

I felt.. delitriously happy. Until i realised it was a dream, and that dreams are often the opposite of realities.

Read something off the facebook and noticed that ppl are always associating success with doctors and lawyers. To hell with it.

Once i careleas made a comment but i didnt mean so.

I never do. It was all a mistake, but i never regret so becos im glad for you we didnt get together. I dont deserve you.

This was written with no hidden words, encryptions or whatever, but will never ever be posted this way.

And i hate every single little reminder of everythi everything you did for me. Everytime i said how do i settle for what i have when i once had so much more. You gave it to me.

Heads throbbing, with decisions with memories with lethargy with worries without you.

Hello everybody! I'm back back back from Spainnnnnnnney. Bombed with a few couple of stuff after i'm back which includes working and esp tomorrow, which is saturday. Sighpie. So Anyway i had the feel to complete my bali holiday before i write my thoughts down about spain which is bullet-train loads.

Second day in BALIIIIIIII-
First on the agenda is to go for th white water rafting! We booked from this random agent we found on a brochure in the airport. Haha, it's a package of all the things I find acceptable like rafting, elephant ride, coffee tasting, even though i dont really like coffee, and massage!!!!!! woooooo.












 Cute animal called luwak? LOL luwak coffee is from its shit. Sorry, refined terms? Dung.



 HAHAHA mum told me to try and do it bloody hell that stick is SUPER heavy. Look at me concentrating!!!!




 Dad tryna be cool LOL