I wonder why.
Sometimes you ask questions that even you yourself have no answers to.
If i did, it would be so much simpler.
That day, a patient was telling me about the haze in sg which was really bad on thurs and fri, and we had to eat in with hq sending food over since we cant go out.
So the patient asked, is the haze poisonous???? In this really really clueless tone.
Sometimes i forgot that the simplest knowledge to me isnt so for others since they dont take science. Science has been my life since secondary school.
So i did a double take and thought about it.
Then i replied, even if it is poisonous, we dont know for sure. No death has been reported. Just an increase in consultation of doctors for breathing difficulties esp for asthma patients.
i cant say it will kill anyone, anyhow cause we dont know.
Then she asked, so why is everyone so panicky?
And so i said, because it is said to be able to cause cancer. But we dont know.. i dont know. Maybe 60years later there is an increase trend of people with lung cancer, which MAY be due this haze? I cant say for sure..
Lastly she said, if wont die, dont buy mask alr. Dunno why people so ganchiong.
I smiled and said, it is always the unknown that strikes fear in people.
The feeling of being in the dark, being in darkness.
It applies to most of the situations in life from the simplest thing like any insect caught in a bowl was instinctively stop moving for while, its actions interrupted.
Just deeming the haze as hazardous is not gonna help the situation. It is of cos detrimental to some's health esp people already with breathing difficulties since the smoke particles are irritants. Just how hazardous is it to a healthy individual in the long run? Who would know?
Are we to complain, hide and put our lives on hiatus?
Or do some action and help those in need?
I feel like im not doing enough when i give out my stash of surgical masks to some of the elderly without any masks cos it obviously is not of any use to them.
But i dont have any more to offer. So im irritated with myself, and those young individuals with n95 cursing all of us for being so selfish. Wearing my own makes me feel ashamed that i dont give up my own to someone else who might need it more.
Working in a clinic setting has its good and its bad. You get to see the ugliest side of singaporean or maybe it should be humanity, and you get to see the most beautiful side of it.
It makes me more than happy when someone thanked me right from their heart or a pat on my back saying if only all the healthcare workers are like me. It makes me soar when patients ask whats my name and directly thanked me saying what i did that they appreciated it so much. And it is absolutely priceless when you see them leave, with a smile.
But I get pissed too, when people are rude, or expect things to go their way and only their way. People whose world's only revolved around them.
And then i get sad too, when i see lonely elderly with not much to get by. It makes me appreciate what i have, and it humbles me that i had so much more without having to work for it. It makes me doubt, if i am worthy of all of these i have, and all the love, care and attention. It makes me determined to be able to return it all back double folds.
Then, the feeling of responsiblity weighs heavily on my shoulders.
I never forgot this old lady who came and taught me that tears are not for the weak, but for the strong. Without kids, without much but an ailing husband, her smile outshoned her tears.
There are so many many people on this earth who had lived with so much less. How can equality ever be fulfilled?
Or maybe it already has..
