On nights like this, I wished that I had more time to write down all those fleeting thoughts. Rather than complaining about the lack of time, perhaps the golden question would be if I had made the choice to write more, so in times like this, I would have more to encourage me.
How many times have I stared at the ceiling, exhausted after a whole day of work, wanting to do nothing more than just scrolling through Instagram or watching the next episode of the current drama fever.
How many times have I clicked on the short cut to Blogger, only to be distracted by the other tabs opened on my Safari webpage.
And just how many times, have I reached home, barely able to keep my eyes open, falling straight into bed.
It's true that when you get older, you make choices about how you spend your time, and anything you don't have time for, you chose to forgo them. Intentional or not, it happens.
When you slow down to evaluate and reflect, you'll wonder if you could've done more. Even though you feel exhausted, physically and mentally. When you attribute the exhaustion to physical needs, you wonder if there's actually anything wrong with you physically.
Then it suddenly dawns on you that you don't owe it to anyone. You give your best to God, and God will use you. It's so easy to get caught up with life and its demands that it becomes a norm to give that much. And when you give that much, you expect to receive as much in return. But God reminds you that you don't work hard for returns. And you don't give until you shrivel.
Today, God reminded me that self-care is important. God reminded that He is the ultimate saviour and healer, and that I should look towards him for my causes. And today, my God reminded me that he loves us. If God so loved the world that he gave his only son so that we may have eternal life, how could I love myself any less, or the people around me?
Today I found it hard to balance caring for myself, the people I love, and the people I'm called to help. I felt that I'm not giving enough when I'm used to giving more. I feel like I'm lacking, in patience, in love, in brain capacity and efficiency, that every single task I do took longer than usual. I attributed that to my physical state, but God reminded me that I needed healing in other aspects too.
God reminded that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to remember His commandments. Love your God with all your heart and all your mind and with all your strength. Love your neighbour as yourself. Today, I found that hard to do but tomorrow I will try again, and I will try harder.
