Gotta quickly write this down before it disappears into the deep seas of my thoughts. But I vaguely remembered a lecture that I had sharing about how our deepest thoughts usually come about when we are showering. I'm not super sure, but it could be something to do with the relaxed state that we are in when we are showering, triggering all of these deep thoughts. 

So as I was showering after my MLBB matches earlier, I was reflecting on the recent thoughts that I had. Some about the recent sermon on Anger and Bitterness. And I realised that I was still harbouring some bitterness that still surfaced whenever I encountered similar situations. 

I'm not sure about the link, but it also got me thinking about obeying and submitting to authorities. 

And today, I was just thinking about that when I realised the reason and the missing part to the puzzle. I was wondering why do I feel more comfortable with waiting now than one year ago? 

If it's about expectations, then my brain must be very stupid. Nothing changed about my situation - I was in the exact same place as I was last year. 

So I thought, it must be me - because I had expectations and I felt that I wasn't placed in a situation of my own choice. The choice was someone else's and because I felt that the choice wasn't made with me in consideration, and again based on MY OWN expectations, I was often unhappy. 

But now, I am in the situation of my own choice and of course, if I made the decision to wait, it's my choice and  I am in control. So being in control is the key. And while I was playing MLBB earlier, I also found similar themes. 

I played so badly with one of the teams - cause I wasn't in control and I was always chasing to keep up with the team. I was so frustrated and I didn't know where they were going. As compared to when I was in control off a team, I felt blinded. I felt so burdened that I can't see the entire plan, the big picture. And following God felt like that. Following you felt like that. 

It was eventually trust that led us to a victory. Trust and communication. To communicate about our positions. To make up for each weaknesses. And to trust that they'll hold the fort and have your back when enemies pounced. A

And we won.

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Lord, I don’t know what the outcome of this difficult circumstance will be, but I know that You will work all things for my good because I love You! Your grace is sufficient for me, and Your power is made perfect in my weakness. So, I boast about this trial and my weakness so that Christ’s power may rest on me. God, after my suffering, please restore me and make me strong, firm, and steadfast. I know that these sufferings will produce perseverance, character, and hope. For these light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that outweighs all of them. So, in my trials, God, help me to fix my eyes not on what is seen, the temporary things that burden me, but on what is unseen, which is eternal. I praise You that You comfort me in my troubles so that I can comfort others with that same comfort. I’ll delight in weakness, in hardships, in difficulties, for when I am weak, then I am strong. Lord, help me to remember that in everything, I am more than a conqueror through Christ, and because of this, I can approach Your throne of grace with confidence.