Been journaling all my thoughts in my little book at work which I’ve missed - writing. But it’s just so inconvenient that I can’t read it whenever I want to.

I think I finally figured out what i’m supposed to learn after talking to mama tonight. She raised plenty of good points but I guess one of them struck home.

Back home. And honestly, it feels exhausting. Exhausting because of the environment and the drive to keep up with the pace. So I guess one of the points that mummy made was right - i’m quite easily influenced by my surrounding. Not in a bad way, but with the protective mechanism in my brain, I guess I’ll pay attention more to my environment to keep myself safe.

So while I can camp at home comfortably back in Brisbane for ages, I feel restless after just a day at home. Not sure if it’s also partially due to the fact that it’s not my own space. But it shouldn’t be, because family should be within my own bubble.

Then work. Thrown into this whirlwind of activity. Couldn’t get used to Monday blues so my body rebelled so bad. Got admitted into the hospital for suspected appendicitis which turned out to be just infective colitis. Had this needle in me for IV for three whole days so I was so paranoid to move my arms, but I found out that they took the needle out and left the tubing in on the last day.

So I missed my observation period and went straight to practice. And got burned out so fast before I could say fire. Was seeing close to 5 a day and there are some cases that went straight to your heart and gut. And so I learned and still am learning to seperate my emotions from work. But apparently i’m not doing such a great job. Sucks to be me.

Then life happened. And I learned that, when you’ve been burned by fire, you run the moment you sense smoke. And that’s the lesson that mommy taught me today - if you refuse to let anyone in, you’ll never know.

I just pray that I would know, before. Because I don’t think I’ll ever step out.

So life has been tough and difficult, and work has been emotionally draining. Kiddos who play with my heart and tugging my heart strings, cases where there’s nothing much more you can do other than listen, constantly wondering if you’ve done right by them. The worst feeling on earth is probably when you feel helpless in a situation when everything could be right but it’s wrong.

Tonight i’m so thankful for my mama and I hope she’ll never have to wonder if she’s done right by us. And I pray that for whatever reason, if God wills it, it will be.