Spent 45 precious minutes downloading different food apps cause I don't wanna leave my room/ chair/ bed, and finding coupons cause I'm cheap like that. BUT NONE OF IT WORKS. 

Then i decided. I either need a boyfriend, or a helper. And I don't think there is any basis for comparison. So I'm not sure which one do i really need, or none. Because chloe is gonna dabao food back. So yay. 

Felt so sentimental today. Perhaps it was the long chat during the drive back with pks. I learned a bit more about myself, and how my actions could be perceived in so many different ways. But obviously we both know i don't care lol. But yeah, how misunderstandings can manifest so easily, and how fragile friendships are. Which was all in all really interesting and a good reflective discussion. How sometimes I need to remember not everyone can see right through my soul and heart, and know what i meant, and what i didn't mean. And mostly how sometimes the way i show love may not be interpreted by the recipient as being loved. 

Then while i was lazing on my bed, I happened to scroll through my instagram photos and i realised how much we have all changed in 4 years. 

4 years ago, my distant (but not quite) aunt and uncle doubted my choice to take up the scholarship because they felt I'd be too playful and would not finish my bond. 

4 years ago, my bro was sort of upset that i decided to take up the scholarship because of plenty of reasons. 

4 years ago, my mum and dad supported me in my decision to leave sg though deep down inside, they didn't want me to go. 

4 years ago, my crazy (example of how i show love sigh) group of girlfriends planned my favourite activity and made this huge cute card for me. And then separately made cards for me to bring over here. They were my confidantes, my cheerleaders and my pillar of supports.

4 years ago, my cousins planned a surprise farewell cause they knew I was leaving. Waited for me at my house but I was busy out with another group of friends. They didnt tell me what they planned for me, and left because it got too late. But they never held it against me, instead left all the cakes/ balloons and well wishes with me. 

4 years ago, the family that i grew up planned my fav activity (again), and everyone turned up. We sang Auld Lang Syne together, and i felt assured that I'd feel home wherever they are. 

And 4 years ago, i left my home to build a home in a foreign country. 

I guess in this four years, a lot has changed. New people entered my life, and left. Most of my groups remained tight. We had some additions, while some left. I guess I just felt nostalgic about how change is actually the most constant thing on Earth. That I didn't expect some people to enter my life and now play such a big part in it, and that I didn't expect others to leave and that i'm still living my life happily without them. Regardless, I guess I'm just thankful that despite all these changes, home is still a constant. My pillar of supports- my family and my friends. I stand by everything I've said this morning- that I would support, love and protect what's mine. 

And I guess I suddenly remember that home, is wherever my heart is. I don't think i missed much in this four years, but I guess I need to remember that, while I'm growing up, my family is growing old too. I saw beautiful marriage unions, had the chance to fly back for one that I wont ever regret no matter how much effort it took me. Missed the birth of baby, but I got to hold her hands and buy her pretty clothes. 

That's why I used to think Brisbane is never home. But it is, it is possible to feel at home at different places. I think Brissy will always have a piece of my heart, like how San Diego did. For that, I'm triply thankful tonight.