This year's gonna be special, because it's a big year of change.

I'm twenty-one.  Life as it is, changes. I changed. People changed.
I went overseas for my studies. An important choice, one that I can't decide if it's right, but I still made it.
I left everything that matters to me, in search of my future, only to be back to find out that everything changed.

So before I could list down resolutions for the year, i need to reflect on myself. Good time to get on to it, cause i feel like it, maybe cause a new year is coming.

I dont wanna start a new year on unhappy thoughts, and it's all plaguing me recently.

1) I let too many things drag this year.

I hate leaving strings around, but this year i couldn't find any courage to tie them up. I wish for more courage next year. Courage to see, courage to analyse, and courage to decide on the best choice.

2) I let my temper get better hold of me, and I said many things that i would regret in years to come. But I can't take them back. Perhaps I meant them, but surely they could be conveyed in a better way.

Which is precisely why usually it takes a lot to get me riled up.

3) I'm a coward this year. Because I have my space, i hide this time round whenever I face any distress.
So many things bothering me, but i pretended they don't exist, because I didn't want them to. But a line in the drama resonated with me tonight, "It's been so many years, but still can't let it go"

4) I let my perfectionist take over, and i expected everything to be perfect. Because life has been for awhile, and i blindly, naively thought it would. But life won't be, human won't be.

5) I did so many stuff that the old me wouldn't, so much that I'm not even sure who I am right now.
What do I want, what do I wanna achieve.

6) I let my pride and stubbornness stand in the way, in situations when so much unhappiness are created, that I begin to doubt everything, including doubt.

If doubt exists, nothing else really exists.

7) I misprioritise. I forgot who really matters, and who really don't.

Today, I found out that I missed just being with people I love. Today, I found out that I changed, but essentially deep down I didn't. I still believed in the same things I do. Just that when it's put in different context, it seemed very ridiculous. That was part comforting, but I still needed to learn how to deal with that.

8) I forgot about the things I've always abided to.

Today, I reminded myself of all those.

9) I Got Lazy. ._.

10) I mistook socially awkwardness with selectivity. I am both socially awkward, and selective with friends, but this year, i got lazy, so i decided i don't need anymore people to crowd my simple life in situations when i'm just socially awkward.

Not much, but a good start.

So I don't need so many resolutions after reflecting so much.

Love, and love freely.
Apparently this did not get approved by the bff, but she also no choice but to support me hahahah.

Put in your best in whatever you do. Remember where did you come from, and why did you get here.

Don't try to change people. Don't make yourself miserable, trying. Don't forget you're making others miserable. There are people in the world you can't understand, you've met them, you know.

I bet 2015 will be a better year.