Above all else, guard your heart, for it's the wellspring of life.
I think it's really long since I blogged a whole long story about not just my life, but about life in general. Not that my life is so boring that I'm not writing it down, but I guess it's really more of settling into this routine of chilling with friends, or going school, or making good food(hahahahah), or just chilling at home.
I thought it would be similar though, the feeling I would get as I did, when I was in the U.S. But it's so different. Different good, different bad.
California helped me grow in ways I never thought possible. In my studies obviously, since half of my year 3 practicals are repetitions of what I did in 3 months there. But then again, I got exposed to so many new ideas, people, and moulded me into who I am today.
I was so happy there, and I guess honestly, unhappy for the wrong reasons. I didn't realise it then, but I think I do now.
Cali is different because in Cali, I had a family. By family, it means I feel at home. And I'm thankful for that because it's a great leap, and they were the ones who were there for this important 3 months of my life. I think I always meet such great people in my life that after some time, I don't bother to know others because why do you want to, when the best people are already in your life? I'm not saying that they filled the gap for family at home, back in Singapore, because they are two separate entities, but just that they were there, that's all. And then, there's Bear. My baby.
Just to sidetrack, I've been wanting to adopt a puppy here, but I couldn't get myself to do it after I read this article one day, talking about shipping animals back to sg. Of course, I knew of people who ships their pets back and stuff, but the article really highlights the main point. I thought it would be fine for the animals cause I honestly don't get how can the cargo movers be cruel to animals and really throw their cages. Wtf of course they won't, right....? Then the point that the article made was DURING the cargo load, when they were loading the pets into the plane, when the guys would wear earpiece or mufflers cause the noise level from the plane is really too imba. So to prove my point, I once did a paper on noise pollution, and the noise level is 100-150 decibels, which is up to 32times as loud as a freeway traffic pollution, subjectivity. I think we would probably suffer from induced hearing loss or something, so if we won't subject ourselves to that, if I won't subject myself to that, why would I even do that to my pet? I'm not gonna say that I will do it to myself, and then my pet, cause it's just ridiculous. How could I do it to my dog? It can't even protest goodness me.
Tough luck, but there isn't any room for discussion.
But back to the topic, so I guessed I grew into myself throughout the years and I think a really great leap in U.S. I'm more independent, more sure of myself, and more distant...?
Got reminded of a verse I used to really like back in Cali, cause I was watching 'a walk to remember.' That's another thing I missed about Cali, the tv!!!!!!! And pandora the radio, and the online streaming for all the blockbusters on cable tv, and of course in-and-out burg. I could go on and on.
Corithians, 13;4
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I don't go for bible study, but I really liked this quote because it was so meaningful to me then.
It motivates me to think of others, it reminds me that love in essence is kind. And we, are all made from love. No matter how you think of it, we are. For me, my daddy and mummy fell in love. So I guess we should all be patient, kind, and honest.
And love, in all aspects. To strangers, acquaintances, family, friends.
I need to remember that I need to be patient. Patient with others whom I don't understand. I guess I learned it the hard way that not everyone gets along, and I used to think then, it's better for everyone to just not have anything in relation so there is no conflict. That is partially true, until I start to close myself even before I give it time. I forgot that we need time to try to understand. And I forgot that it takes effort to want to understand. I got tired of putting in the effort in recent times I guess.
Sometimes, when the bar get raised so high, you tended to expect so much even before you realized you're expecting so much.
You can say that you aren't, but you are.
I feel that I learned so much today, it reminds me of all those that I once reflected on, but time has ruthlessly robbed that away and that I'm widening my horizons again.
When did we become so narrow-minded that we can't see more, much more out of our life? Maybe when your life gets cluttered with so many important events, important people, trying to meet the scheduled timetable, trying to lead the expected life.
How has it changed from being something that you wanted, to something that doesn't make difference? By having it? I don't like to take things for granted, because then you get so contented with life, that you forgot you could be happy as well. There was a period in life when I thought the pursuit of happiness would eventually lead to unhappiness, because when you covet for something, you'll never be satisfied. So I thought the key to being happy was to be content with life. But recently I realized that, why am I settling for contentment, when I could be happy everyday? That, and to be happy, is to be thankful of what you have.
So I need to think happy thoughts and keep the negative ones at bay, maybe take them out for a stroll one fine day and let them run their course, then after that, keep them back and carry on with life. Everyone has their own demons, and everyone's battle is their own.
I'm fighting my own, and I like to think maybe one day, they'll become my friends.
