Getting cold feets once i think about them. One down, two more to go. Results were okay, ocrm was disappointing, cause i guess i put in much more effort for ocrm than the rest. But still, cant change the results. Saw the results last night, and as expected, i put it behind me after i sleep.

And now, i'm facing the other two of my fears.

Probably no one would understand. It's such a long story, and such a complicated one too, which probably is worsening by each and everyday. The more i wanted to avoid it, the more it haunts me. It all comes down to what do i really want? It was clear, a few days ago. Then it blurs. I cant believe my resolve is so easily shaken. But one thing the results gave me was determination/confidence. Well, i didnt flunk basic pathology/gems. That ought to be good enough a news.

It's not me, to shrink back from a battle. But does it make me stupid, that i'm fighting a losing war?

I dont want it to kill my mood every single time/day. I've enough things i can be happy for, in my life now. So what more do i want?

Yeah, the problem is, everything.

And, it still brings me jitters, i dont want to be held accountable for such a huge responsibility. I trust me, but i dont trust others trusting me. Does that make sense?